CVIndependent

Fri06232017

Last updateFri, 16 Sep 2016 12pm

Ask a Mexican

21 Jun 2017
Dear Mexican: Waze is launching Waze Carpool throughout California. I think it’s gonna be a hit, especially with tight Latino enclaves throughout the state. But … is there a history of raites within the Mex community? Uber Wazer Dear Gabacho: Everything that tech bros and their hipster acolytes think they’re creating, Mexicans did first. Ripping off music and movies? We call it piratería, and we know a guy at the swap meet who has Guardians of the Galaxy 3 on VHS. Airbnb? We’ve been renting out the couch to visitors since the days of the Toltecs. Uber? The aforementioned raiteros—what the gabacho media used to call gypsy cabs. Some app that you can use to find someone to cut your lawn or fix your clogged toilet? Day laborers. Dia de los Muertos everything? BRUH … and all of this caca will continue—because as I’ve written before, when hipsters do something…
14 Jun 2017
Dear Mexican: My fiancé is trying to learn Spanish so he can speak to my grandmother when we get married next month. Lately, he’s been listening to CNN en Español to get an ear for the language. A couple of days ago, he told me that, after several weeks of seeing the channel, he noticed there are ALWAYS chickens clucking in the background of the commercials. He wants to know: “What’s up with the chickens?” and, “Is worshipping chickens a Mexican thing?” Madre Hen Dear Wabette: Does your gabacho not speak English, either? Can’t he ask the Mexican a question on his own? Not only that, but your gabacho is either a liar, or he mistakenly tuned into the Rural Farm Network for his Spanish lessons. I see CNN en Español and have never once heard chicken clucks during a commercial. In fact, the only time I can recall hearing…
07 Jun 2017
Dear Mexican: I’m reading the redneck rhetoric in one of your recent columns, and I feel retarded to continually be surprised by the hate posing as nationalism that so easily flows from mouths of these degenerates. At least we don’t have to worry about that “nice” stereotype like the Canadians. Isn’t it possible that no one wants to make taxpayers out of all the illegals, because this would entitle them to minimum wage? I agree that if you’re going to enjoy the benefits of this country, you should maintain your culture, but also become a legal American citizen—but can we afford to actually pay full price for the labor foundation that we currently enjoy at such a discount? Dr. W Dear Gabacho: Interesting punto! Gabachos don’t want undocumented Mexicans to become American citizens, because they’re Mexicans, and they really feel that once we become the majority, we’ll rip out their…
31 May 2017
Dear Mexican: I find Mexican women to be very prejudiced. Is it their lack of education, or the fact that they don’t assimilate well? Is anyone schooling them on appropriate behavior, and are they being told that racial prejudice has reached a point where it’s barely tolerated in the U.S.A? I’m offended by their racist stares—I call them “racist stares,” because it reminds me of the 1950s, when the white folks were doing it. Also, how many people live in one house, with a multitude of trucks, leaving all the trash out from the businesses they run out of their houses? Do we pay for this in our monthly utility bills, because the trash-debris fee is higher than the water fee? I now live across from such a female who gives out racist stares every chance she gets. She looks like a giant Godzilla—a shemale, with her tiny husband she…
24 May 2017
Dear Mexican: Not too long ago, you answered a question about the anti-Mexican slur “greaser,” and then I read the info you provided for “illegal” and the N-word. I was wondering if you could break down for us “beaner,” “wetback” and “spic,” too. What are their definitions historically? Who “invented” them, and what are their connections to certain regions? Etymologically Curious Dear Gabacho: White supremacy invented these Americanisms, silly! “Wetback” came from the days when Americans thought Mexicans only came to el Norte by swimming across the Rio Grande—and the earliest known reference is in a 1920 New York Times article. “Spic” isn’t really about Mexicans, per se; the Oxford English Dictionary attributes it to Americans and Brits ridiculing how Panamanians working in the construction of the Canal pronounced “speak.” As for “beaner”: The earliest known printed reference is in a July 9, 1965, column in the Detroit Free Press,…
17 May 2017
Dear Mexican: The St. Louis area is less than 3 percent Latino, and less than 4 percent of St. Louisans are immigrants. This is very, very, low, and it actually makes St. Louis look pretty bad. Why does everyone here feel like they have a say in the illegal-immigration discussion? Gaga for Gibson Dear Gabacho: It gets worse than what you wrote. Out of the 25 biggest metropolitan areas in the United States, St. Louis is the only one with a Latino population less than 5 percent—and the latest info from the American Community Survey clocks in the Gateway City at a whopping 2.9 percent. I could fit more Mexicans in the cab of my ’79 Ford Ranger than there are in St. Louis. The easy answer is to presume that the city is muy racist, but it’s also home to the largest Bosnian Serb population in the world outside…
10 May 2017
Dear Mexican: I’m an American woman who has been living in Mexico for more than a year and a half. I found an excellent job teaching English at a university, and as luck or karma would have it, I met an amazing Mexican man who treats me with respect and kindness, with a kind of support I have never known from anyone. He is a doctor here at the university. We are the same age, and though he is a chemist, and I have spent the last decade of my life trying to be an artist, we get along sweetly. I do love him a lot. I should mention we also live together, and in general, it runs smoothly. Things are good. But there is still that … I don’t know, American ambition—that voice in my head that says to me constantly that you have to keep going, keep achieving,…
03 May 2017
Dear Mexican: What do you think of affirmative action in the education system? I know the politicians and educators deny this, but we all know it’s happening: All the yellow and white kids have to work their asses off to gain admittance to a competitive school like UCLA or UC Berkeley, yet with Mexicans, all you’ve got to do is beat or match the average whitey or chino, and you’re there! School officials argue this is to help the minorities reach the top. Well, hello, you wabs are hardly minorities in the U.S. According to recent forecasts, you guys will BE the majority in a couple of years! And considering the rate at which you guys have sex without birth control, we could be looking at next year! La China de Garbage Grove Dear Chinita: The Mexican has always opposed race-based affirmative action, because studies have long shown gabachas benefit…
26 Apr 2017
Dear Mexican: In Jared Diamond’s DVD for Guns, Germs and Steel, he mentions the classical Spanish form of horsemanship, jimeta. I have not been able to find this word used anywhere else. Can you help? Bronco Babobos Dear Gabacho: While Diamond’s book of the same name is a classic, he got his word wrong—it’s jineta, per the Real Academia Española. The word is descended from jinete (horseman, and “El Jinete” is a GREAT José Alfredo Jiménez song), which is derived from the Zenata, the Berber confederation that served as cavalry of the Moors which was respected by the Spanish for their talent—conquistador game respects conquistador game, you know? ¡ASK A MEXICAN! INFLUENCES POLITICS! Last week, a scandal broke out in the Los Angeles City Council District 1 race between incumbent Gil Cedillo and challenger Joseph Bray-Ali. After the Bray-Ali campaign attacked Cedillo for not denouncing some pendejo spewing racist remarks…
19 Apr 2017
Dear Mexican: You are a racist, my friend. How can you bring up Japanese and Chinese mistreatment, and not Irish or Jewish mistreatment? It’s because it doesn’t fit into your narrative of whitey being the vilest creature on Earth. Worrying about language, culture and assimilation doesn’t make you a racist (even though Mexican isn’t a race, but I digress). People want to protect the melting pot of American culture. People want people to come here legally and assimilate—not forget or ignore their ancestors’ culture, but to embrace American culture. Your race-baiting demagoguery is intellectually dishonest and a threat to the American way of life for all colors and ethnicities. Jeff Sessions Is My Boo Dear Gabacho: Ah, the wonders of the Internet. You no doubt found my columna from some random Google search or Google News or Stormfront or some other fake news outlet; read a couple of back issues;…

Page 1 of 24