Last updateMon, 24 Aug 2020 12pm

Savage Love

18 Nov 2020
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I’ve always been excited by BDSM, but I’ve only minimally explored this side of myself until very recently. I’m a straight woman, and it was difficult to find men who wanted more monogamish relationships on the traditional apps—and a challenge to be honest with men about what I am looking for where kink is concerned. I’d often get through a month or so of seeing someone before finding out they wanted a completely monogamous relationship and that they were very vanilla in the bedroom to boot. I was tired of wasting my time and needed to find a partner who wanted to enjoy a kinky relationship, so I moved from traditional dating apps like Bumble and Hinge to apps like #Open, Fetlife and KinkD. While I’ve had a few amazing conversations and meet-ups, they’ve primarily been with men in open relationships, couples or guys only looking to hookup. And it…
11 Nov 2020
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Why are threesomes much more accepted in the popular imagination than foursomes? I was just googling “finding foursomes,” and the first result is an article about threesomes that takes for granted that people are looking for MFF groups. That is a form of heteronormativity, right? I am not judging threesomes, of course, but asking why foursomes are perceived as more taboo. I would be interested in knowing more about what you think about this, or if you have any resource to recommend, as I am approaching this now with my partner for the first time. By the way, I love what you do with your work. Willing To Foursome I don’t think the popular imagination has conspired against foursomes or that foursomes are really that much more taboo than threesomes, WTF. Rather, I think threesomes are easier to arrange than foursomes, and the popular imagination reflects that fact. Think about…
04 Nov 2020
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I’m a nearly-80 straight male, with an undiminished libido. I have no problem with it, just a persistent curiosity—like, why now? And why so various? And is it common among us old geezers? Male and female? I’m more sex-obsessed than ever before, including adolescence. Until my 60s, tits were my sexual focus, and other body parts were strictly subsidiary, whether I was looking, fantasizing, masturbating or fucking. Now butts, bellies, assholes, cunts, legs, arms and shoulders are equal turn-ons. Well, I do have one problem: Women aren’t interested in me “that way” anymore. The secret smiles in public are no longer complimentary or inviting or challenging. They’re just fond, polite smiles for a nice-looking old man. The availability of porn plays a big part in my obsessions. It primes the pump visually, mentally and physically, by showing more body parts and what can be done with them. The lack of…
28 Oct 2020
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I’ve been in a relationship with a wonderful guy for the past year. The only problem is that he works with a girl he used to fuck. It wasn’t just sex—they would go on dates and even went on vacation together. He kept this little “detail” to himself for six full months before giving himself away by mistake. He then apologized, said he hadn’t told me so that I wouldn’t worry for no reason, and claimed that he no longer has any feelings for her whatsoever. Disclaimer: I’m an extremely jealous person with huge trust issues, so knowing he kept all of this from me is devastating. I no longer trust him. Just thinking that he’s seeing—on a daily basis—a woman he used to sleep with is driving me nuts! I repeatedly asked him to let me meet her in person, at the very least, but it didn’t happen. So…
21 Oct 2020
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Borrowing Gen Z’s love for labelling everything: I’m a 46-year-old homoromantic asexual Canadian faggot. For me, that means I’d like to love and be loved by another man, but I’d hate having sex with him. To add a vexing complication, I also need some sort of power imbalance. Ideally, I would fall somewhere between being a man’s sub and being his slave. I’ve been searching for this since I came out in my early 20s. I’ve tried everything—online, bars, hobby groups, friends, hookups. Vanilla relationships, single Masters, dominant couples, sex workers. I’ve spent thousands of dollars on both men and therapy, but here I am, busted, miserable and alone. The point is that no one—and I mean absolutely no one—wants what I want. My dream dude doesn’t exist. It’s easy to tell someone to move on, that there are other fish in the sea, etc., but sometimes your sea is…
14 Oct 2020
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My husband recently passed away. He was a wonderful person, and we had 12 great years together. He was also very, very organized. His death was an accident, but everything was in order. He even left a note in a sealed envelope for his lawyer to present to me. It was one last love letter, Dan. Our relationship wasn’t perfect—no relationship is—but that’s who he was. Or that’s who I thought he was. My husband was a very good-looking man who took meticulous care of his body. We actually met in a gym at a hotel. He wasn’t conceited, which I think may be because he didn’t come into his looks until he was in his 20s, but he enjoyed the effect his appearance had on others. In addition to his last love letter and other documents, I was given a list with the passwords to my husband’s social media…
07 Oct 2020
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I was dumped in August by a guy I was seeing for 10 months. He told me that he wants to work on himself and “needs to be selfish” right now. Since then, we have spoken every day, shared numerous dinners and gone on hikes. Our friendship is killing me. With him, I hold it together. Away from him, I cry all the time. I’ve started seeing a therapist, and I’m on medication. I’m trying to be mature about the breakup and match his level of “coolness,” but it’s destroying me. My friends tell me that I should stay away from him; allow some time to pass; and reassess. But the thought of losing him is almost as bad as the thought of keeping him in my life. I should also mention that I ended a 10-year relationship for the opportunity to date him. Simply Heartbroken And Talking To Ex…
30 Sep 2020
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I’m a 30-something gay man married to a 30-something gay man. For almost two years, we’ve been seeing another pair of married gay men around our age. They were our first experience with any sexual or romantic interaction outside of our relationship. The first six months were hot and heavy. We were together constantly and having sex almost every night. After the “honeymoon phase” ended, one member of the other couple (“Roger”) wanted to slow things down. Roger and I had some conflict over this, and I have to admit that I showed a pretty bad side of myself while grappling with insecurity. Eventually, Roger pulled me aside to talk one-on-one. He wanted us to be “friends who have sex sometimes.” Then, right after the COVID-19 lockdown started, Roger and I had another heart-to-heart on my birthday. After many drinks and a lot of making out, we both said we…
23 Sep 2020
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Married guy here. I’m 33; the wife is 31. Our fifth anniversary is next month, but we’ve been together for almost eight years. We’ve recently both come out to each other as bi. She tried to tell me a long time ago, whereas I came to the realization only recently. We’re both interested in new sexual encounters, and this weekend, we met up with a male escort. It was my first sexual experience with a man, and the first sexual encounter between my wife and another man in eight years … and we found it lacking. It was too short and too impersonal. Is this how it usually goes with escorts? Should we have been more upfront with our interests ahead of time? We don’t want to keep spending the money if we’re not getting the experience we want. We need to stay fairly discreet for most of these encounters…
16 Sep 2020
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I’m a straight man who’s been dating a woman for not quite four months. In the beginning, things were light—but things started to get heavy quickly. Two weeks in, she revealed her very serious abandonment issues and then began asking me whether I really loved her, demanding reassurance that I wasn’t going anywhere and that she wouldn’t be “just a single chapter” in my life. After a month, I met her 7-year-old son, her parents and her ex. Then we had a pregnancy scare. She told me that if she were pregnant, she would keep it, because then I would have to stay. That alarmed me. I voiced that we’d been dating for very a short time, and this wasn’t a good time for either of us to have a child. She wasn’t pregnant, luckily. Even before this incident, my body had started to manifest signs of anxiety—upset stomach, sleepless…

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