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New Year, new you? Likely not—but at least there’s new TV to stream.

You’re thinking, “New TV? I’m not even caught up on last year’s shows!” Just accept it: Unless you somehow land a sweet gig as a pro TV reviewer, you never will. I’m not saying I’m better than you; I’m just saying

Onward and upward—or at least fast-forward. Here are 11 new streaming shows to kick off the New Year. (I didn’t say “new decade,” because that starts in 2021. Don’t @ me.)

Reprisal (streaming now on Hulu): A flashy bouillabaisse of Tarantino pulp, rockabilly fetishism and neon-noir camp, Reprisal was lost in the December streaming overload—and I know that WTF? synopsis certainly didn’t help. The plot is simpler than the execution: A wronged woman (Abigail Spencer) is out for revenge against the savage hot-rod gang who left her for dead. Reprisal is weird and imperfect, but rarely dull.

The Witcher (streaming now Netflix): Speaking of weird and imperfect, you’ve probably heard of The Witcher; former Superman Henry Cavill’s pecs and He-Man wig are nearly as meme-able as Baby Yoda. For a Netflix series with a mild TV-MA rating, The Witcher is as much blood ’n’ boobs as it is swords ‘n’ sorcery, like a dollar-store Game of Thrones with a sense of humor. Beats the hell out of The Mandalorian.

Servant (streaming now Apple TV+): Remember Apple TV+? The arrival of Disney+ squashed its buzz before The Morning Show finally stopped sucking (only a little) and M. Night Shyamalan’s Servant arrived. It’s a creepy baby-sitter thriller with a twist—and then another twist, and another, and another, because M. Night Shyamalan. Most disturbing of them all is a teen baby sitter with no Instagram account (!).

Medical Police (streaming Jan. 10 on Netflix): A sequel to 2010-16 Adult Swim cult favorite Childrens Hospital, Medical Police stars several OG series doctors (including Erinn Hayes and Rob Huebel) as undercover Centers for Disease Control and Prevention agents recruited to stop a global bio-terrorism plot. It’s a mashup of Childrens Hospital and Jack Ryan that’s still less ridiculous than Jack Ryan, or (stay with me here) a sub-homage to Baywatch Nights.

The Outsider (streaming Jan. 12 on HBO Now): The murder of a small-town Georgia child leads to a solid-but-not-really case against a teacher (Jason Bateman), so it’s up to a pair of mismatched PIs (Ben Mendelsohn and Cynthia Erivo) to crack it. Spoiler: The Outsider is based on a Stephen King novel, so there’s supernatural shit afoot. As with King adaptation Mr. Mercedes (which no one saw), subtlety makes it work.

Curb Your Enthusiasm (streaming Jan. 19 on HBO Now): Season 10?! Damn. When last we left Curb Your Enthusiasm, Larry (Larry David) was about to be assassinated over Fatwa! The Musical (2017 was a gentler time). We can assume he survived, unless CYE is going with an elaborate, Garfield Minus Garfield-esque setup of J.B. Smoove talking to himself for 10 episodes … which actually sounds amazing. R.I.P., Larry.

Avenue 5 (streaming Jan. 19 on HBO Now): Cocky Ryan Clark (Hugh Laurie) captains Avenue 5, a 1-percenter luxury cruise liner with an upgrade: It’s a spaceship. When a routine trip around Saturn goes awry, Capt. Clark and his crew aren’t up to the challenge of correcting course, calming passengers or paying NASA to save them. Avenue 5 is from the Veep people, so it’s at least funnier than Netflix’s Lost in Space.

Star Trek: Picard (streaming Jan. 23 on CBS All Access): As annoyingly reductive as the nostalgia-reboot trend is, there’s always room for more Star Trek—and if it involves Jean-Luc Picard (Patrick Stewart), even better. Picard picks up with the retired Starfleet commander in 2399, taking on a new mission with help from new and classic characters (including ex-Borg Seven of Nine in odd militant-hippie mode). Make it so!

The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (streaming Jan. 24 on Netflix): Fashion-forward witch Sabrina (Kiernan Shipka) can only save her boyfriend from Madam Satan (Michelle Gomez) and her clutches in Hell by assuming the throne as queen of the underworld to defend it against the Prince of Hell. Meanwhile, a pagan carnival rolls into Greendale with apocalyptically evil intent—this new season is not screwing around. Still no Lucifer crossover, Netflix?

Shrill (streaming Jan. 24 on Hulu): Last year, Hulu debuted Shrill, a charming comedy about a large woman (Aidy Bryant, below) that wasn’t about making said large woman lose weight—yeah, crazy. Even crazier, as Season 2 opens, Portlander Annie (Bryant) is regretting quitting her job at the local weekly newspaper. Such regret doesn’t exist in 2020, nor do (last time I checked) local newspapers. Fake news, Shrill!

BoJack Horseman (streaming Jan. 31 on Netflix): Netflix is stretching out the sixth and final season of BoJack Horseman, the Citizen Kane of alcoholic-horse cartoons, by splitting it up; these are the last eight episodes, sadly. In October’s Part 1, BoJack (the voice of Will Arnett) finally got his act together, but Part 2 looks to blow it all up. Don’t be fooled by the talking animals: This is smart, emotional storytelling—binge it, hard.

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No animated series, not even the vaunted Rick and Morty, makes you feel the feels like BoJack Horseman (Season 4 premiere Friday, Sept. 8, Netflix). Last season was especially dark, culminating with BoJack (the voice of Will Arnett) once again pulling defeat from minor comeback victory and attempting highway suicide (told ya—dark). Now, he’s gone missing, and Hollywoo—they still haven’t fixed the “D”—is without its third, or maybe fourth, favorite ’90s sitcom horse. Diane (Alison Brie) and Mr. Peanutbutter (Paul F. Tompkins) are dealing in their own ways (and not well), while Todd (Aaron Paul) has stumbled into a fashion-modeling gig with Sharc Jacobs. Oh, how I’ve missed the animal puns …

Rescued from the obscurity of Vimeo, Con Man (network debut Saturday, Sept. 9, Syfy) is going to be a pleasant surprise for casual nerds. While his former co-star (Nathan Fillion) of the 10-years-canceled space-adventure series Spectrum has gone on to become a big deal, Wray Nerely (Alan Tudyk) can only get work at sci-fi conventions, which are slowly (but hilariously) crushing his soul. If the Firefly/Serenity meta-signals have already eluded you, there’s no point in mentioning geektastic Con Man cameos like Gina Torres, Summer Glau and Jewel Staite, as well as Tricia Helfer, James Gunn, Felicia Day, Seth Green and even the now-controversial Joss Whedon himself.

Seth MacFarlane can do whatever the hell he wants at Fox these days—even cast himself as a live-action lead, which is always a dicey proposition. His hour-long sci-fi comedy The Orville (series debut Sunday, Sept. 10, Fox) looks like one of the more promising new shows of the fall 2017 season, which isn’t saying much. For one, it’s not a dirty, “dystopian” future in MacFarlane’s space, but more of a sleek, earnest Star Trek-via-Galaxy Quest vehicle. For two, his U.S.S. Orville shipmates (including Adrianne Palicki and Scott Grimes) make up for their captain’s not-quite-Shatner shortcomings. It’s not as wacky as the promos suggest, but The Orville could break out this season … or just as easily flame out.

After all the ordeals Claire and Jamie have endured thus far in Outlander (Season 3 premiere Sunday, Sept. 10, Starz), what’s the worst that could happen now? Being separated by two centuries and a continent, that’s what! As Jamie (Sam Heughan) faces the post-Battle of Culloden fallout back in 18th century Britain, Claire (Caitriona Balfe) is pregnant and stuck with Frank (Tobias Menzies) in 20th century Boston. As Celine Dion says, their hearts will go on, but just barely: Jamie is a ginger shell without his time-traveling love, and headstrong Claire is even worse off in mansplaining 1948. Outlander may not be Starz’s flagship series anymore (hello, American Gods), but it’s as tear-jerkingly compelling as ever.

The Wire and Treme ended years ago, but they’re still more revered than most current series—writer David Simon can do no wrong, not even when working with wildcard James Franco. In The Deuce (series debut Sunday, Sept. 10, HBO), co-producer Franco plays twin brothers Vincent and Frankie, 1971 Brooklyn knockabouts who get in too deep with the mob and, eventually, prostitution and porn. He’s effectively subdued in the roles, and by the time Maggie Gyllenhaal (playing a nicely nuanced hooker) shows up to remind everyone she can bring it when called upon, it’s clear that The Deuce is neither rosy glamorization nor cautionary tale—it’s just life on the street, and Simon writes the hell out of it.

The dual return of South Park (Season 21 premiere Wednesday, Sept. 13, Comedy Central) and Broad City (Season 4 premiere) was rescheduled from August for no real reason, but who cares? They’re back! South Park is wisely getting out of the Trump business after a hit-and-miss 2016 of trying to satirize our IRL Idiocracy—though “Member Berries” is a theme worth revisiting—but at least Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer are treating the president’s name as an F-bomb (T-bomb?) in their first post-Obama season of Broad City. The women still have plenty to say through their Brooklyn-stoner misadventures, but can South Park rediscover its boys-will-be-awful-boys magic? Again, who cares? They’re back!

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No, not all of the great shows are here; 2016 served up too much quality TV to contain in this space, while not all of the great shows rise to the level of year-end best lists. (Too many other critical lists are surrendering space to Stranger Things; just sayin’.)

These 16 shows are binge-worthy alternatives to holiday family time—Merry Xmas!

Westworld (HBO): This Westworld was smarter, sleeker and more terrifying than its 1973 origin flick, but it also imbued the Wild West park’s androids with a tragic “humanity.” (Evan Rachel Wood and Thandie Newton for all of the awards.) It also reminded us that actual flesh-and-blood humans are just the worst.

Veep (HBO): Now more than ever, huh? Vice president-turned-president-turned-footnote Selina Meyer (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) suffered an exhausting political beating months before the rest of us did in 2016, but at least hers was funny (and slightly more F-bomb-heavy). Forget IdiocracyVeep is our republic’s true guide.

BoJack Horseman (Netflix): Animated series BoJack Horseman has always been about the aggressive shallowness of Hollywood and celebrity, but Season 3 went deeper and darker (and more experimental, including a dialogue-free underwater episode) than ever before. It’s also funny as hell. OK, it’s everything as hell.

Lady Dynamite (Netflix): Maria Bamford’s Lady Dynamite was a meta-comedy that did for bipolar disorder what BoJack Horseman did for depression and Jessica Jones did for PTSD: It made entertaining, thoughtful art out of the usually “too heavy” to talk about. Both way surreal and way real … sounds good, feels right.

Quarry (Cinemax): This overlooked, 1972-set crime-noir series is grittily crafted down to the most minute details, spun with jarring twists, and anchored by Logan Marshall-Green’s intense, mercurial performance as a reluctant hit man. It’s the Memphis-barbecued second season of True Detective you really wanted.

Better Call Saul (AMC): The debut of Better Call Saul was a fantastic surprise that expanded upon Breaking Bad, building its own pre-Heisenberg world. From hilarious to heartbreaking, Season 2 further transformed small-time Albuquerque lawyer Slippin’ Jimmy (Bob Odenkirk) into future legal shark Saul Goodman.

Halt and Catch Fire (AMC): Behind Saul, Halt and Catch Fire is AMC’s best drama, even if it doesn’t generate Walking Dead numbers. The ’80s-set computer-revolution saga moved to Silicon Valley in Season 3, amping the startup fireworks between Mackenzie Davis and Kerry Bishé, who overshadowed even Lee Pace (!).

Mr. Robot (USA): Elliot (Rami Malek) and hacker group fsociety brought down E(vil) Corp at conclusion of Season 1, but it just caused more problems than it solved. Mr. Robot 2.0 was less buzzy, and trickier to follow, but it gave Elliot’s circle (especially Carly Chaikin and Portia Doubleday) space to shine.

Goliath (Amazon Prime): David E. Kelley and Billy Bob Thornton streamed a classic Los Angeles legal-noir drama that overcame a middling plot with killer performances from Maria Bello, Molly Parker, Nina Arianda, Tania Raymonde, William Hurt and, of course, Thornton himself. Binge with a stiff drink—or eight.

Atlanta (FX): Donald Glover’s Atlanta wasn’t what anyone expected. Something far more than a comedy (though there are hilarious moments) or a drama (ditto, heavy moments), it unfolded like an indie flick in no hurry to get any Big Moments, and depicted the flat-broke-and-black experience with unflinching detail.

Better Things (FX): One of the rawest comedic TV portrayals of single motherhood ever, Pamela Adlon’s Better Things swung from sweet to sad to snarky with an assured precision that her creative partner, Louis C.K., never quite nailed with Louie. Subtle jabs at Hollywood’s treatment of women are just a bonus.

You’re the Worst (FXX): The Only Anti-Rom-Com That Matters got back on track after some downer detours last year—which isn’t to say You’re the Worst didn’t take chances in Season 3. Gretchen (Aya Cash) and Jimmy (Chris Geere) may never work out, but it’s sweet (and profanely hilarious) to watch them fail.

Shameless (Showtime): Emmy Rossum, who’s played Shameless’ surrogate Gallagher mom Fiona for seven seasons now, recently got a pay bump to at least equal co-star William H. Macy’s salary. Coincidentally, she also turned in her best, most heartbreaking work this year. ’Merica isn’t Modern Family; it’s Shameless.

The Good Place (NBC): Kristen Bell and Ted Danson are an unbeatable comic combo, and fears that afterlife sitcom The Good Place would be too weird for broadcast TV were apparently unfounded: It’s a (relative) NBC hit and, even better, the Jesus people are mightily offended by this inclusive version of “Heaven.”

Wynonna Earp (Syfy): If you were somewhat disappointed with Syfy’s recent zero-fun heroine epic Van Helsing—I know I was was—look back a little further in 2016 for Wynonna Earp, a Buffy the Gunslinger supernatural series that star Melanie Scrofano tore up with quippy glee. Also: hot Doc Holliday!

Not Safe With Nikki Glaser (Comedy Central): Nikki Glaser’s Not Safe was a sex-and-relationships talk show that combined intelligence, real information and filthy comedy that more than lived up to the show’s title. So, of course, Comedy Central canceled it after 20 episodes to make room for more Tosh.0. For shame.

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BoJack Horseman (Friday, July 22, Netflix): Prior to the premiere of Season 3, Netflix released promo art that placed cartoon character BoJack Horseman (voiced by Will Arnett) in the same league as troubled dramatic TV anti-heroes Tony Soprano, Don Draper and Frank Underwood. It’s no joke: They all struggled to find happiness within the American Dream (though it could be argued that House of Cards’ Frank Underwood is simply nuts—and still a better presidential choice than anyone running in reality), and so continues BoJack. He should be happy: He’s back in the public eye, doing press and Oscar (!) campaigning for his dream starring role in Secretariat … but it’s all meaningless, hollow crap. More so than depression and ennui—yes, a cartoon has forced me to break out the fancy words—BoJack Horseman is about the aggressive shallowness of Hollywood and celebrity, and Round 3 goes even deeper and darker than before. This might be a good time to mention that this show is also funny as hell. Really, it’s everything as hell. BoJack Horseman should win all of the awards, not just the handful of niche critical trophies it has already … but awards don’t bring joy or a sense of achievement … so … I don’t know what to think. Thanks, BoJack.

Looking: The Movie (Saturday, July 23, HBO), movie: Canceled more than a year ago by HBO, Looking was never a flashy “Gay!” series, but a low-key and honest, if occasionally over-talky, depiction of everyday (but, admittedly, ridiculously good-looking) gay men in San Francisco—which could be why it only lasted 18 episodes. Unlike those in the then-groundbreaking Queer as Folk more than a decade ago, the characters of Looking have nothing to prove or reveal; they’re already out and established, and just trying to get through this thing called life. Looking: The Movie is a 90-minute series wrap-up, and easily one of the more satisfying TV finales in recent memory. (At least it’s better than the unexpected ends of HBO’s Vinyl, Togetherness, The Brink, Enlightened, Bored to Death, etc.)

Ozzy and Jack’s World Detour (Sunday, July 24, History), series debut: Ozzy Osbourne and son Jack are back on reality TV—but this time, it’s educational-ish. The 10-episode Ozzy and Jack’s World Detour is a travelogue history lesson (on the History channel? GTFO) hitting such destinations as Mount Rushmore, Stonehenge, Roswell, the Jamestown Settlement, Sun Studios and even The Alamo, which Ozzy famously pissed on in the ’80s when he was chemically insane (as opposed to whatever strain of insane he is currently). World Detour has its share of funny, obviously scripted “reality” moments, but Ozzy’s indecipherable mutterings and Jack’s … what does he bring to the table again? … feel 10-years played-out.

MadTV (Tuesday, July 26, The CW), series re-debut: The CW’s recent 20th anniversary special for MadTV proved that there’s little from the 1995-2009 Fox sketch-comedy series that holds up today—so this must be the perfect time to revive it as summer filler. The “new” MadTV features an unknown cast of varyingly talented newbies who could have come up with something better if not stuck with an ancient brand name that means nada in 2016, as well as forced guest-appearances by original Mad cast members dredging up best-forgotten characters from the past. (Seriously, no one needs to endure “Mrs. Swan” and “Stuart” ever, ever again.) Even if Maya and Marty hadn’t just destroyed any possibility of sketch comedy working in modern primetime, MadTV would still be a tough (re)sell.

Wayward Pines (Wednesday, July 27, Fox), season finale: Well, that was a complete waste of time. It’s getting harder to remember how good Season 1—you know, the originally planned only season—of Wayward Pines was; I’d say the limp, unnecessary follow-up is the Speed 2: Cruise Control of sophomore TV seasons, but poor Jason Patric (who replaced Keanu Reeves in that movie, and Matt Dillon on Wayward Pines) has been through enough, and I can’t completely dismiss 1997 Sandra Bullock in a bikini. Anyway: I’m rooting sooo hard for the mutants outside the walls of Wayward Pines (the unfortunately named “Abbies”) to kill off all of the remaining humans on Earth and any chance of a third season. The only remaining question is … Is Speed 2 on Blu-ray?

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Another Period (Comedy Central): After a meh first episode, Natasha Leggero and Riki Lindhome’s Downton Abbey/Kardashians parody became bolder and funnier (and dirtier) every week. It’s Wet Hot 1902 Summer.

Halt and Catch Fire (AMC): Just ended and most likely canceled, ’80s tech drama Halt and Catch Fire really did catch fire in Season 2 by focusing on its women (Kerry Bishé and Mackenzie Davis, killing it). Maybe just skip the first season.

UnReal (Lifetime): And another female-led powerhouse: UnReal’s behind-the-sordid-scenes drama about a Bachelor-esque “reality” show was brutal, discomfiting and, for all we know, completely accurate. Shiri Appleby and Constance Zimmer FTW.

Wayward Pines (Fox): It was obvious that M. Night Shyamalan’s Wayward Pines meant “limited series” business when it killed off two big-name cast members (no spoilers!) early on. A taut, weird sci-fi conspiracy yarn.

Maron (IFC): No hype, just Marc Maron being Maron in Curb Your Enthusiasm: The Next Generation.

Dark Matter (Syfy): The setup of really, really, really ridiculously good-looking amnesiac fugitives in space didn’t seem sustainable, but Dark Matter rolled out the back-stories (and ass-kicking action) more intelligently than expected.

Killjoys (Syfy): Ditto on the looks and action here, though Killjoys was a bit more complex (read: confusing) and even more low-budget than Dark Matter (which seems impossible). Still, Hannah John-Kamen is the sci-fi heroine to top this summer.

True Detective (HBO): Quit your whining and just watch all eight episodes in a row.

The Brink (HBO): It was sold as a Jack Black comedy, but The Brink (a modern-day Dr. Strangelove via Homeland) belongs to Tim Robbins as the tenacious secretary of state, and Maribeth Monroe as his impossibly loyal assistant.

Mr. Robot (USA): Rami Malek’s mumbling, monologue-ing hoodie-rat hacker isn’t a logical TV hero—which makes Mr. Robot’s Fight Club-meets-The Matrix-meets-Dilbert existence encouraging (especially on a network like USA). Another binge-watch candidate.

Humans (AMC): The biggest surprise from this British import about synthetic “humans” living/serving amongst us? Joe (Tom Goodman-Hill) waited four whole episodes before bedding his nanny-bot (Gemma Chan). Humans was creepy, but with a heart—rare combo.

Extant (CBS): Halle Berry’s alien-takeover thriller is still insane—but at least it’s evolved into decent sci-fi, and new Season 2 co-star Jeffrey Dean Morgan handily replaced what’s-his-name. Bonus: David Morrissey acting even harder than he did on The Walking Dead!

The Spoils Before Dying (IFC): Eric Jonrosh (Will Ferrell) and his lost crime-noir masterpiece somehow made jazz tolerable. That’s an accomplishment.

Rectify (Sundance): So rich, so moving, so … slow. Ray McKinnon’s Southern-gothic character study isn’t for everyone, but the quality of the performances (not limited to main stars Aden Young and Abigail Spencer) are undeniable.

The Strain (FX): Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan’s vampire-invasion thriller kicked into high gear in Season 2, thanks partially to letting Kevin Durand’s badass Fet inject some comic relief into the occasionally too-damned-serious affair. Pretty vamps are so over.

Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll (FX): Denis Leary’s comic love letter to rock wasn’t groundbreaking by any stretch, but it was loud and fun. That’s rock ’n’ roll, right?

BoJack Horseman (Netflix): You will feel all the feels of a cartoon horse (Will Arnett).

Ray Donovan (Showtime): As if Jon Voight weren’t enough, Liev Schreiber’s titular thug-to-the-stars Ray had to fight for screen-chewing time with new Season 3 guest Ian McShane—and he held his own.

Stitchers (ABC Family): Impossibly pretty 20-something scientists “stitch” into the memories of the recently deceased in CSI: Dead Brains. Sure, it sounds similar to iZombie, but Stitchers was even stoopider—and yet oddly entertaining.

The Meltdown With Jonah and Kumail (Comedy Central): Backstage is sometimes funnier than what’s onstage at the comic-book-store stand-up show; comedians, actors and sometimes even porn stars drop in randomly, adding to the anarchic atmosphere of The Meltdown. So all stand-up shows aren’t like this?

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (Adult Swim): Season 2 of hell as a workplace comedy … not a workplace reality show.

Married (FX): The second season of Nat Faxon and Judy Greer’s domestic comedy may have found a groove, if not viewers. Married is pretty much canceled; proceed at your leisure.

Rick and Morty (Adult Swim): It’s probably best that Community is now dead as a TV show, because Rick and Morty is a far better use of Dan Harmon’s time. There’s not a more off-the-charts science-geeky show out there—sorry, Cosmos—and the funny is relentless.

Wet Hot American Summer (Netflix): First Day of Camp bested the 2001 movie by streamlining the gags and going for ridiculous broke. So how do I get a gig at Rock & Roll World Magazine?

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Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll (Thursday, July 16, FX), series debut: Singer Johnny Rock (Denis Leary) and guitarist Flash (John Corbett) scored 15 seconds of fame when their critically hailed—and accurately named—rock band The Heathens released a debut album and broke up the on the same day in the early ’90s. Twenty-five years later, Johnny’s broke and forgotten, and Flash is in an even worse place: touring with Lady Gaga. Enter Gigi (Elizabeth Gillies), the—spoiler, but not really—daughter Johnny never knew he had. She’s also a singer, but has no desire to be a pop tart: Gigi wants to be a rocker; she has backing; and she wants The Heathens to reform, write her songs and join her onstage—except for Johnny, who would remain behind the scenes. Will he be able to put aside his raging ego, raging-er addictions and raging-est hair? Ha! Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll—written entirely by Leary, including the songs—has all the This Is Spinal Tap moments and mini-rants about the state of modern music you’d expect, but it never takes itself too seriously. It’s only rock ’n’ roll, and Leary and Corbett are having a blast. Depending on your level of Leary tolerance, you will too.

Married (Thursday, July 16, FX), season premiere: Maybe the problem with Season 1 was putting a sad-sack married couple (the usually comic-reliable Nat Faxon and Judy Greer) on before the raucous party animals of last summer’s breakout hit You’re the Worst (which moves to FXX in September). This time around, they’re on after the raucous party animals of Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll. So … improvement?

BoJack Horseman (Friday, July 17, Netflix), season premiere: The debut season of BoJack Horseman dropped with zero hype in August 2014, but the animated series—about a washed-up ’90s sitcom actor who happened to be a horse (voiced by Will Arnett)—became a cult hit instantaneously. Last season, BoJack was struggling to finish his memoir with the help of a ghostwriter (Alison Brie) while being encouraged/antagonized by his deadbeat roommate (Aaron Paul) and his agent (Amy Sedaris). Now, BoJack’s landed his dream film comeback gig (the lead role in a Secretariat biopic), and he’s determined to drop the booze, drugs, terrible dietary habits and questionable sexual conquests … or he’s at least hilariously determined-ish. On the surface, BoJack Horseman is just a viciously funny swipe at mid-level Hollywood fame, but there’s also unexpected darkness and emotion that genuinely makes you feel for the guy, er, horse. The Venture Bros., Archer and now BoJack Horseman: The best serialized cartoons ever.

Welcome to Sweden (Sunday, July 19, NBC), season premiere: Brother-to-Amy Greg Poehler’s Welcome to Sweden was an odd bit of filler in NBC’s summer schedule last year—a Swedish import whose quirky comic rhythms weren’t helped by the American commercial-break format, not to mention those jarring “Swenglish” accents. Still, the funny and sweet story (based on Poehler’s own life) of an American celebrity accountant who packs up and moves with his girlfriend to her native Sweden translated nicely. Season 2 finds Bruce (Poehler) still trying to fit in and move forward with his engagement to Emma (Josephine Bornebusch) while dealing with visiting old clients (like Jack Black, Jason Priestley, Aubrey Plaza and Amy Poehler, all playing ridiculous versions of themselves). Enjoy Welcome to Sweden now—it’ll be the only real comedy on NBC for the rest of 2015. No lie.

Knock Knock Live (Tuesday, July 21, Fox), series debut: You know what TV doesn’t need? More Ryan Seacrest. What is Fox giving us in the usually frosted-tip-assclown-free zone of summer? More Ryan Seacrest! Says here, “Knock Knock Live features Seacrest in a Los Angeles-based studio, while the Knock Knock Live team travels across the country, to any city at any time, surprising unsuspecting people at their front doors with a chance to win big cash prizes, meet their favorite celebrities and turn their wildest dreams into reality.” So Seacrest isn’t even on your doorstep when you release the blood-thirsty hounds … the hypothetical blood-thirsty hounds, that is.

Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! (Wednesday, July 22, Syfy), movie: Ian Ziering and Tara Reid return as the chompstorm hits Washington, D.C., and the guest list explodes with David Hasselhoff, Bo Derek, Michele Bachmann, Anthony Weiner, Jerry Springer, Chris Jericho, Michael Bolton and (literally) a hundred more, not to mention Mark Cuban as the president and Ann Coulter as VP. (Recently deleted: Jared the Subway Guy, because, well …). What’s the story? You know the damned story!

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Hannibal (NBC; Thursday, June 4, season premiere): Hannibal (Mads Mikkelsen) and Bedelia (Gillian Anderson) are hiding out in Europe—but can the doctor keep his “tastes” under the radar? What a bore that show would be.

Sense8 (Netflix; Friday, June 5, series debut): The Wachowski Brothers bring their Matrix-y weirdness to TV in the tale of eight people around the world who can tap into each other’s existences. Coincidentally, they’re all ridiculously good-looking.

Orange Is the New Black (Netflix; Friday, June 12, season premiere): The gang’s all back—and so is Alex (Laura Prepon), as well as new inmate Stella (Ruby Rose). Larry (Jason Biggs), not so much. Please contain your indifference.

Dark Matter (Syfy; Friday, June 12, series debut): The crew of an adrift spaceship wakes up with no memories, and to outside threats galore. Based on the graphic novel (woo!) and produced by the Stargate SG-1 team (uh-oh).

Proof (TNT; Tuesday, June 16, series debut): A brilliant-but-troubled surgeon (Jennifer Beals) is hired by a dying tech billionaire (Matthew Modine) to find proof—get it?—that death is not the end. TNT, maybe, but not death.

The Astronaut Wives Club (ABC; Thursday, June 18, series debut; pic above): Imagine Mad Men, but focused on the spouses of NASA heroes of the late ’60s. That would be a better show than this reheated network leftover—but the fashion is sooo cute!

Complications (USA; Thursday, June 18, series debut): A suburban doctor (Jason O’Mara) becomes embroiled in a gang war after saving the life of a kingpin’s son at a drive-by. From the creators of Burn Notice, so expect plenty of yelling and gunplay.

Killjoys (Syfy; Friday, June 19, series debut): A trio of sexy bounty hunters (Aaron Ashmore, Hannah John-Kamen and Luke Macfarlane) work the interplanetary warzone. It’s Firefly meets Guardians of the Galaxy meets a Canadian budget.

True Detective (HBO; Sunday, June 21, season premiere): Colin Farrell, Vince Vaughn, Rachel McAdams and Taylor Kitsch navigate murder and mustaches in the badlands of California. Hold your “Season 1 was better” critiques until at least after the opening credits.

Ballers (HBO; Sunday, June 21, series debut): A sports dramedy (!) about retired and rookie football players just trying to get by in Miami, starring Dwayne Johnson, Omar Miller and Rob Corddry, and produced by Mark Wahlberg and Peter Berg. Hut!

The Brink (HBO; Sunday, June 21, series debut): Bureaucrats (including Jack Black and Tim Robbins), military hawks (Geoff Pierson) and fighter pilots (Pablo Schreiber) scramble to avert World War III. It’s like Veep with higher stakes and (slightly) less profanity.

Mr. Robot (USA; Wednesday, June 24, series debut): Vigilante hacker by night/corporate IT drone by day Elliot (Rami Malek) is recruited by the mysterious “Mr. Robot” (Christian Slater) to e-destroy the company he works for. Never give up on TV, Slater.

Humans (AMC; Sunday, June 28, series debut): In the “parallel present” of suburban London, the must-have accessory is a “Synth,” a human-like servant/friend. But what happens when the Synths develop emotions? And, since they’re British, how do you tell?

Zoo (CBS; Tuesday, June 30, series debut): Animals are rising up against humans all over the planet, and only a “renegade biologist” (James Wolk) can stop the pandemic. People of Earth: If your lives are in the hands of a “renegade biologist,” you’re boned.

The Strain (FX; Sunday, July 12, season premiere): New York City is being overrun with not-pretty vampires, and it’s up to Eph (Corey Stoll) and Nora (Mia Maestro) to create a cure for the epidemic … if they can keep it in their pants. NYC, you’re also boned.

Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll (FX; Thursday, July 16, series debut, pic below): A failed ’90s rock band (featuring Denis Leary and John Corbett) gets a second shot at fame with a hot young singer (Elizabeth Gillies). This will be the second-wiggiest FX series after The Americans.

Bojack Horseman (Netflix; Friday, July 17, season premiere): Everybody’s favorite Hollywood horse has-been (voiced by Will Arnett) is back! And so is Todd (Aaron Paul)!

Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! (Syfy; Wednesday, July 22, movie): The chompstorm hits Washington, D.C.! Ian Ziering and Tara Reid are back! Mark Cuban is the president! Ann Coulter is the VP! Like you needed any more reasons to root for the sharks.

Wet Hot American Summer (Netflix; Friday, July 31, series debut): An eight-episode prequel to the beloved 2001 cinematic classic, all about the first day of summer at Camp Firewood—with all of the cast members anyone cares about! Bring on the short-shorts!

Fear the Walking Dead (AMC; TBA, series debut): A six-episode flashback to the beginning of the zombie apocalypse, set in Los Angeles. No “renegade biologists” involved.

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You’re the Worst (FX): Like the equally surprising Broad City, You’re the Worst shattered preconceptions of the “edgy” cable comedy with smarts, heart, bracing moments of relationship realism (and outright debauchery), and a fearless cast led by relative unknowns Chris Geere and Aya Cash. No worries that the Toxic Twosome and gang are moving to FXX this year … right?

The Bridge (FX): Apparently, FX can only sustain so many quality dramas: The Bridge was canceled after a low Season 2 turnout, and those who did show up were treated to a Tex-Mex stew that was a little overcooked—yet it was still better than most crime dramas.

The Strain (FX): Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan’s vampires-bent-on-world-domination tale transitioned from novel to TV series with only a few bumps and a whole lotta scares (not counting Corey Stoll’s hairpiece), and reclaimed bloodsuckers from the glam universes of Twilight and True Blood.

Ray Donovan (Showtime): His sketchy character’s name is the title, and star Liev Schreiber did his damndest to take the show back from father figure Jon Voight in Season 2, mostly succeeding while taking on a twisted new FBI antagonist (Hank Azaria, killing it).

Masters of Sex (Showtime): There’s no power couple on television as compelling and confounding as Dr. William Masters (Michael Sheen) and Virginia Johnson (Lizzy Caplan), and they’re barely “together,” in any sense. Was anything easy in the ’50s? Besides Virginia? (Rim shot.)

Welcome to Sweden (NBC): This Swedish import turned up on NBC’s summer schedule seemingly by accident, a subdued and charmingly awkward comedy that should have no place on an American network—and yet it worked fantastically. Watch for Welcome to Sweden when it “accidentally” comes around again.

Garfunkel and Oates (IFC): Musical-comedy duo Riki Lindhome and Kate Micucci are no Flight of the Conchords—they’re better, at least when it comes to song quantity and lack of indecipherable New Zealand accents. For Garfunkel and Oates, TMI means both Too Much Information and Touching Musical Interludes.

Outlander (Starz): Starz finally acknowledged that women watch TV—and then told them they’d have to wait six months for the second half of their new favorite Scottish bodice-ripper. Spartacus never would have stood for this.

The Knick (Cinemax): In yet another instance of indie-film directors realizing that television is where it’s at, Steven Soderbergh directed this 10-part oddity about a doped-up doc (Clive Owen) at the precipice of modern medicine—he’s House 1900, with a premium-cable license to shock.

Doctor Who (BBC America): Peter Capaldi. That is all.

Bojack Horseman (Netflix): A former sitcom star man-horse (voiced by Will Arnett) and his slacker roommate/squatter (Aaron Paul) get turnt up and knocked down in Hollywood. It’s Californication: The Cartoon.

Sons of Anarchy (FX): The seventh and final season of Hamlet on Harleys was overwrought, overindulgent and over-the-top—and you expected, what? For all his faults, showrunner Kurt Sutter is still a passionate storyteller, and the finale of Sons of Anarchy was a fittingly chaotic closer that tied up (almost) all of the loose ends. Time to retire the patch and the musical montage.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine (Fox): It’s not the Andy Samberg Show; it’s one of the best ensemble comedies on TV, something Fox is nailing better than anyone these days. Witness …

New Girl (Fox): By no logic should New Girl be this good in Season 4, but Zooey Deschanel and crew have become a fuzzy juggernaut of funny that still manages to surprise every week, putting one-note sitcoms like The Bang Theory and, well, every other half-hour on CBS to shame.

Gotham (Fox): Batman without Batman? Yeah, it’s working.

The Blacklist (NBC): James Spader’s “Red” Reddington is one of the best villain-heroes (villo?) ever, and Season 2 of The Blacklist has found his FBI foil Lizzy (Megan Boone, finally free of the wig) stepping up her game, if not her crazy. And kudos for selling Pee-Wee Herman (!) as an underworld “fixer.”

Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (ABC): Season 2 has introduced real danger and consequences for the agents, as well as Marvel-flick-worthy action and effects. Stop asking, “When’s Iron Man gonna show up?” and just get onboard, already.

Black-ish (ABC): Anthony Anderson’s TV resume (Law and Order, Treme, The Shield) didn’t indicate that he could head up a family comedy, but new sitcom Black-ish—I know, dumb title—is more consistently funny than Modern Family is now, thanks to strong assists from Tracee Ellis Ross and, yes, Laurence Fishburne.

The Flash (The CW): The sunny answer to Arrow (seriously—is it never daytime over there?) is the most comic-booky of all DC Comics adaptations, and the most fun.

Jane the Virgin (The CW): Usually, “Golden Globe-nominated” means nothing—but Jane the Virgin is the first CW show to ever score a nom! That’s also the first time I’ve ever used the term “nom.” Firsts all around, here.

The Walking Dead (AMC): Team Rick is on the road, finding new places to explore and more people (zombie or not) to kill—less talk and more rock makes for a more entertaining apocalypse; hopefully, they won’t slow down when Season 5 resumes in February 2015.

Foo Fighters: Sonic Highways (HBO): Idiotic Foo-hater rhetoric notwithstanding, Dave Grohl’s Great American Music Roadtrip uncovered gems even the most hardcore music geek wouldn’t be aware of. Real people playing real instruments writing real songs—embrace it while you still can.

American Horror Story: Freak Show (FX): The best elements of three previous seasons came together on No. 4, Freak Show, along with more gorgeous cinematography, more sympathetic characters and more Jessica Lange than expected. The early loss of Twisty the Clown seemed like a misstep, but the rest of this season has been perfect.

Benched (USA): With no hype besides airing after the craptastic Chrisley Knows Best, new comedy Benched, about a former corporate attorney (Happy Endings’ Eliza Coupe) slumming it in the public defender’s office, managed to crank out 12 hilarious episodes this winter—and no one even noticed.

The Birthday Boys (IFC): The sketch-comedy troupe relied more on themselves than producer Bob Odenkirk (who was presumably busy making Better Call Saul) in Season 2; the result was a hysterical collection of bits with callbacks and intertwining gags galore. (Fast-food spoof “How Do You Freshy?” is an instant classic.) It ain’t Mr. Show, but it’s as close as anyone’s come in years.

The Comeback (HBO): The first season nine years ago was merely uncomfortable; The Comeback’s out-of-the-blue comeback was borderline torturous—in the funniest possible way. Lisa Kudrow’s depiction of fame-junkie desperation is so masterful, you have to wonder why anybody’s even paying attention to Jennifer Aniston.

Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce (Bravo): Bravo’s first foray into (overtly) scripted programming is not only not terrible; it’s actually pretty great. How the hell did this happen?

Mike Tyson Mysteries (Adult Swim): Whatever drugs were responsible for the creation of this … thank you.

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Cinema Insomnia (Roku’s Zom-Bee TV): “Your host” Mr. Lobo has presented late-night horror-cheese showcase Cinema Insomnia for 13 years through a smattering of regional cable outlets and, probably, subliminal mind control. Last year, Zom-Bee TV (available through streaming service Roku) picked up Cinema Insomnia, exposing the campy creature-feature to a slightly wider audience that needs to know: “They’re not bad movies … just misunderstood.” The suave-ish Mr. Lobo tees up classics like The Horror of Party Beach and The Brain That Wouldn’t Die with the snarky intros and interstitials you’d expect, but what sets Cinema Insomnia apart is its mind-bending, cocktail-kitsch menagerie of vintage commercials and film trailers, as well as the occasional recipe (Santo vs. the Vampire Women’s detailed snack instructional for chips and salsa: a bag of chips, a bowl, and a bottle of salsa).

Transparent (Amazon Prime): The 10 episodes of Transparent have been—rightfully so—talked up as a vehicle for TV vet Jeffrey Tambor’s out-of-the-park performance as retired professor Mort, who’s finally let it be known to his family that he’s transgender, and has always indentified as Maura. (Good call not going with Morticia.) But Transparent’s killer ensemble (which includes Judith Light, Rob Huebel, Gaby Hoffmann, Jay Duplass, Carrie Brownstein and many other familiar faces) is the show, like a less-whiney Parenthood shot through an LGBT prism. Gather the family ’round after Thanksgiving dinner … well, maybe not all of them.

Hand of God (Amazon Prime): Only a single pilot episode (which was up-voted to a full series for 2015 by Amazon Prime viewers—welcome to the future) is available at the moment, but it’s a promising hour: Ron Perlman (late of Sons of Anarchy) stars as a hard-living, morally gray judge who suffers a mental break and suddenly believes God (who talks to him through his comatose son) wants him to become a vigilante for a higher law. Along for the ride are Dana Delaney (as his skeptical wife) and Garret Dillahunt (as a sketchy, Jesus-y criminal the judge enlists to help dispense his “righteous” justice). Yet he’s still more sympathetic than Sons of Anarchy’s Clay Morrow.

The Wrong Mans (Hulu): Grammatically off but otherwise very British, the six-episode The Wrong Mans follows a pair of everyday, none-too-bright city workers (Mathew Baynton and James Corden, both of Brit comedy Gavin and Stacey, the latter being next year’s Late Late Show replacement for Craig Ferguson) who inadvertently become embroiled in an intricate, dangerous conspiracy that escalates by the minute—it’s 24 and Homeland meets The Office and Parks and Recreation, with the dramatic and comedic sides played up equally. Not to sound like That Guy, but Americans can rarely pull this mix off (though The Wrong Mans was partially inspired by the Coen Brothers’ Burn After Reading).

Bojack Horseman (Netflix): Lame sitcom The Millers was a complete waste of Will Arnett—thankfully, CBS has canceled it so he can concentrate on a second season of BoJack Horseman. The first dropped in August—12 animated episodes about irrelevant TV star BoJack Horseman (a man-horse voiced by Arnett) who was never able to follow up his craptastic (but still better than The Millers) hit ’90s comedy, Horsin’ Around. Now he spends his days and nights boozing, whoring, lapping up what little recognition he still receives and attempting to write a comeback biography, with little help from his freeloading mansion roommate Todd (Breaking Bad’s Aaron Paul). Like Californication remade for Adult Swim, BoJack Horseman is a sick-and-wrong slap at Hollywood, but with the random sweet, poignant aside … which inevitably turns sicker and wrong-er.

Longmire (Netflix): The first two seasons that originally aired on A&E (Assclowns & Evildoers) are available now; Season 3 will follow eventually; Netflix has rescued Longmire from A&E’s recent cancellation by agreeing to produce a fourth. So catch up, already.


DVD ROUNDUP FOR DEC. 2!

Broad City: Season 1

The hilarious New York City misadventures of broke 20-somethings Ilana Glazer and Abbi Jacobson, with assists from Amy Poehler, Hannibal Buress, Janeane Garofalo and others. Come for the female empowerment; stay for the pussy jokes. (Comedy Central)

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

A decade after mankind’s collapse (as you may recall from Rise of the Planet of the Apes), apes and humans are on at war to determine who will rule the planet. To be continued in Breakfast of the Planet of the Apes. (Fox)

Friended to Death

After the worst day of his life, a depressed dude (Ryan Hansen) fakes his own death on Facebook to see if anybody will “like” it; a fake funeral and ham-handed commentary on social media ensue. (Gravitas Ventures)

Gutshot Straight

A gambler who likes to live on the edge (CSI’s George Eads) makes his most dangerous bet ever, involving sex, mobsters, murder and a five-minute appearance by a morbidly obese crime boss (Steven Seagal). (Lionsgate)

Jingle All the Way 2

Divorcee dad Larry (conveniently, Larry the Cable Guy) wants to get his 8-year-old daughter the hottest gift of the season—but her new stepdad is out to foil his plans! Will Larry … make it happen? Catchphrase psych! (Fox)

More New DVD/VOD Releases (Dec. 2)

The Congress, The Dark Place, The Hundred-Foot Journey, The Idiot, Justified: Season 5, Kite, Rhymes With Banana, The Simpsons: Season 17, Sliders: The Complete Series, Speak No Evil, The Strain: Season 1

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