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Thu09242020

Last updateMon, 24 Aug 2020 12pm

1. Hercules (Paramount)

2. Earth to Echo* (20th Century Fox)

3. The Purge: Anarchy* (Universal)

4. Maleficent (Disney)

5. Planes: Fire and Rescue (Disney)

6. Deliver Us From Evil (Sony)

7. Neighbors (Universal)

8. Mr. Peabody and Sherman (20th Century Fox)

9. Sex Tape (Sony)

10. Transformers: Age of Extinction (Paramount)

* Available for rental before Redbox and Netflix

Published in Video Top 10

1. Earth to Echo* (20th Century Fox)

2. The Purge: Anarchy* (Universal)

3. Deliver Us From Evil (Sony)

4. Mr. Peabody and Sherman* (20th Century Fox)

5. X-Men: Days of Future Past* (20th Century Fox)

6. Sex Tape (Sony)

7. Edge of Tomorrow (Warner Bros.)

8. A Million Ways to Die in the West (Universal)

9. Transformers: Age of Extinction (Paramount)

10. The Fluffy Movie* (Universal)

* Available for rental before Redbox and Netflix

Published in Video Top 10

1. Earth to Echo* (20th Century Fox)

2. The Purge: Anarchy* (Universal)

3. Neighbors (Universal)

4. X-Men: Days of Future Past* (20th Century Fox)

5. Sex Tape (Sony)

6. Mr. Peabody and Sherman* (20th Century Fox)

7. Transformers: Age of Extinction (Paramount)

8. A Million Ways to Die in the West* (Universal)

9. The Fluffy Movie* (Universal)

10. Snowpiercer (Anchor Bay)

* Available for rental before Redbox and Netflix

Published in Video Top 10

1. Neighbors (Universal)

2. Transformers: Age of Extinction (Paramount)

3. X-Men: Days of Future Past* (20th Century Fox)

4. Edge of Tomorrow* (Warner Bros.)

5. Godzilla (Warner Bros.)

6. Mr. Peabody and Sherman* (20th Century Fox)

7. Blended (Warner Bros.)

8. A Million Ways to Die in the West* (Universal)

9. Chef* (Universal)

10. Brick Mansions (20th Century Fox)

* Available for rental before Redbox and Netflix

Published in Video Top 10

1. Transformers: Age of Extinction (Paramount)

2. Neighbors* (Universal)

3. Godzilla (Warner Bros.)

4. Edge of Tomorrow* (Warner Bros.)

5. Million Dollar Arm (Disney)

6. Chef* (Universal)

7. A Million Ways to Die in the West* (Universal)

8. Blended (Warner Bros.)

9. The Fault in Our Stars (20th Century Fox)

10. Brick Mansions (20th Century Fox)

* Available for rental before Redbox and Netflix

Published in Video Top 10

1. Transformers: Age of Extinction (Paramount)

2. Neighbors* (Universal)

3. Chef* (Universal)

4. Godzilla* (Warner Bros.)

5. Blended (Warner Bros.)

6. The Fault in Our Stars* (20th Century Fox)

7. Third Person (Sony)

8. Brick Mansions (20th Century Fox)

9. Think Like a Man Too (Sony)

10. Captain America: The Winter Soldier (Disney)

* Available for rental before Redbox and Netflix

Published in Video Top 10

Parenthood (Thursday, Sept. 25, NBC), season premiere: As in, final season, Parentheads—you have 13 episodes to make peace with the impending departure of the Braverman family. To make matters worse, the show’s producers have hinted that one of the characters won’t live to see the tearful series finale that will undoubtedly be set to classic soft-rock hits, and the candidates are obvious: Kristina (cancer—in remission, but still, cancer) or Zeek (old; spent last season mad bucket-listing; longs to be reunited with his ponytail in heaven). The Only TV Column That Matters™ is holding out hope that it’ll be Max (annoying, one-note character) or Hank (annoying, is Ray Romano), however.

How to Get Away With Murder (Thursday, Sept. 25, ABC), series debut: With Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal and now this, the Shonda Rhimes takeover of Thursday nights is complete, leaving How to Get Away With Murder star Viola Davis (playing a morally ambiguous, far-too-well-dressed college professor who becomes embroiled in a murder mystery with her law students) to chew scenery with impunity. Also, there’s a character named Bonnie Winterbottom. No more witnesses!

Family Guy (Sunday, Sept. 28, Fox), one-hour season premiere: Brian: “Guess we’re in a town called Springfield.” Stewie: “Springfield, eh? What state?” Brian: “I can’t imagine we’re allowed to say.” Thus begins a full crossover hour of inside jokes about Family Guy being a rip-off of The Simpsons, Peter’s non-sequitur habit, Springfield’s “hepatitis”-skinned citizens, the inevitable extended fight sequence, and even a nod to Bob’s Burgers and the late Cleveland Show as ’toon hangers-on. If you’re not convinced Family Guy can still bring the funny 13 seasons in, just wait until Mulaney shows up next Sunday.

Selfie (Tuesday, Sept. 30, ABC), series debut: Ex-Doctor Who companion Karen Gillan is a little too good as a social-media-obsessed airhead who suddenly realizes that her thousands of “friends” aren’t real friends; viewers will probably be tuning out after five minutes of her overly affected hashtag-speak. Too bad, because this roundabout My Fair Lady/Pygmalion riff turns sweet, funny and—sorry—educational once co-star John Cho begins schooling her Eliza Dooley (yes, really) on how to interact with Real People in Real Life. Selfie may be a more obvious movie than a series, but Gillan and Cho have the chemistry to give it legs … if only it could be under a different title.

Manhattan Love Story (Tuesday, Sept. 30, ABC), series debut: Speaking of names, Manhattan Love Story could be the worst title of the year—and this is a season that also includes Black-ish and Jane the Virgin. All you need to know about MLS: Analeigh Tipton is a-dor-a-ble; the she-thought/he-thought dating conceit works far better than you’d think; did I mention that Analeigh Tipton is adorable? Give this one a chance; not to plan your Tuesdays, romantics, but Selfie and Manhattan Love Story into Fox’s New Girl and The Mindy Project would make for a solid evening on the couch.

Stalker (Wednesday, Oct. 1, ABC), series debut: It’s difficult to say who’s working harder on Stalker: Dylan McDermott, acting his ass off to prove that he’s a brilliant Noo Yawk detective, or the special-effects crew toiling to give co-star Maggie Q cleavage. Both fall ... flat. As the title suggests, this series is about a threat-assessment unit of the LAPD that works stalker cases, but it’s just another under-lit clone from the CBS Cop Show Replicator 3000®. Maggie Q deserves better; McDermott, not so much.


DVD ROUNDUP FOR SEPT. 30!

24: Live Another Day

Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland) grimaces back into action to save the U.S. president (William Devane) from assassination in London—fortunately, Chloe (Mary Lynn Rajskub) and her new hair just happen to be in the area. Also, not 24 hours long. (Fox)

Are You Here

A TV weatherman (Owen Wilson) helps his shlubby bud (Zach Galifianakis, of course) protect a fat inheritance from his crazy sister (Amy Poehler) and his late father’s young widow (Laura Ramsey). Prepare to feel all the indie feels. (Millennium)

Space Station 76

Patrick Wilson, Liv Tyler, Matt Bomer and Jerry O’Connell star in a … parody? tribute? … to ’70s sci-fi movies replete with big hair, bell-bottom jumpsuits and pretty much zero plot—but at least it looks cool. Wiki Space: 1999, kids. (Sony)

Transformers: Age of Extinction

“Inventor” Mark Wahlberg and the “Twansfomahs” are gonna save the world, you guys! Clang! Crunch! Clang! Crunch! Clang! Crunch! Clang! Crunch! Clang! Crunch! Clang! Crunch! Clang! Crunch! And we’re done. (Paramount)

More New DVD/VOD Releases (Sept. 30)

Chef, Cold In July, Decoding Annie Parker, Delivery: The Beast Within, Hellion, Lucky Them, The Mentalist: Season 6, Mike and Molly: Season 4, My Little Pony: The Compete Series, NYPD Blue: Season 7, Team Hot Wheels: The Origin of Awesome!, Third Person.

Published in TV

Transformers: Age of Extinction is an embarrassment of overindulgence. Director Michael Bay seems to be taunting his haters by taking all of the things that sicken his detractors to despicably disgusting levels.

It’s as if, with this movie, the director is saying, “I’m Michael Bay, and I’m going to get away with cinematic murder! You will buy the toys! You will swill Bud Light out of those wacky blue aluminum things! You will leer along with me at this girl’s ass in slow motion! I AM MICHAEL BAY!”

For starters, this damn movie is two hours and 45 minutes long. I’m OK with long movies when they’re at least decent. This thing has no right for a single tick past the 90-minute mark. Had Bay knocked it off with his slo-mo shots, he probably could’ve shaved a half-hour. Had he gotten rid of every inane line in this donkey shit, he could’ve brought the whole thing in at 30 minutes.

Replacing Shia LaBeouf, who was too busy losing his mind to participate, would be Mark Wahlberg. Wahlberg plays Cade Yeager, a crazy robot-inventor living on a farm with his smoking-hot daughter, Tessa (Nicola Peltz).

In between stints trying to make clunky robots (there’s actually a sequence during which Wahlberg lovingly tries to show a newborn robot how to paint), Cade is busy trying to stop his daughter from having sex. He also threatens real-estate agents, showing his soon-to-be-foreclosed-upon property by chasing them with a baseball bat. He, simply put, is the worst movie father in years.

The action picks up four years after the annihilation of Chicago, which has apparently been restored, because Bay includes shots of some cranes picking up beams and stuff. The Autobots are on the run, because Frasier Harold (Kelsey Grammer) has decided that since they are aliens, they are the enemy. Michael Bay is getting political!

Yeager buys a beat-up truck, and soon discovers it is Optimus Prime. He nurses the robot back to health with the help of buddy Lucas (T.J. Miller), much to the chagrin of Tessa, who trolls about pouting while wearing impossibly tight denim shorts and high heels. She’s upset, and she’s going to look damn good being upset.

A black-ops government team commanded by Frasier eventually winds up on Yeager’s lawn, and one of the only reasons to watch this movie is killed off. The focus, if you can call it that, then goes to Stanley Tucci as Joshua, a Steve Jobs-like tech mogul, and his army of Autobot clones.

The real Autobots will eventually face off against the fake Autobots, and we’ll see ads for Chevy cars, beer, China, denim ass porn and Texas along the incredibly long way. (During the film’s running time, I celebrated five birthdays, took an online computer course in psychology that I failed because the professor was such a bitch, and managed to construct a scale replica of the Brooklyn Bridge using toothpicks and Dots candy. That was just during the first third!)

The Transformers themselves are looking cool, especially when they transform (although Bay, even with his mega-budget, cuts corners by showing an Autobot in one shot, and then the vehicle in the next—skipping the transformation). There’s also a sequence in which some characters have to walk on a high wire between an alien ship and a skyscraper that is pretty good.

That’s about all of the nice stuff I can say.

Bay is saying this is the first film in a new trilogy. If you should choose to see part one, make sure all of your bills are paid; the dogs are fed; and you’ve winter-proofed your house before you sit down, because you aren’t getting out of that theater for a very long time.

Transformers: Age of Extinction is playing at theaters across the valley, in a variety of formats.

Published in Reviews