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12 Oct 2016

Ask a Mexican: Should My Ex-Girlfriend Dump Her Mami-Loving Boyfriend?

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Dear Mexican: I’m asking this question for my best friend, who also happens to be my ex-girlfriend.

Both she and her guy are educated Mexican Americans. She moved in with her fiancé at his home. The problem is that his parents also live there. His overbearing mom has seven dogs and numerous chickens, and still does everything for her “baby”—like making his lunch every day and cleaning the room he shares with my ex, and offering her “ranchito” advice on everything. The mom has told her that she will not move until her son asks her to do so.

They might try to buy a duplex so they can at least have some privacy, or even a second home. The mother tries to make her feel guilty by saying that it is normal in Mexico, and her son loves the house he worked so hard to buy. Her fiancé might be in the worst position, because he will either have to lose his girl (my ex), evict his mom (probably to an OK apartment) or move into a duplex or buy a second house.

My ex has lived there close to a year, and is pushing her ex to make a tough decision; she is threatening to move out. Can you tell me what you think is the right thing to do? Gracias!

Ex Novio de Una Mexicana Maravillosa

Dear Ex-Boyfriend of a Marvelous Mexican Woman: Why do I suspect your ex has nothing to do with this question, and you’re just looking for my OK to break them up so you can whip out your Mexican thing?

Well, go for it, as your fiancé is already on the way out: Assimilated women will never understand the hold that a mami has on her son, and will never accept that a man can still be an adult even if his mom insists on washing his chonis every week because the damn gal in his life doesn’t use enough Suavitel.

Your ex should be content with the fact that her guy owns a house in this millennial era, and that she has a potential suegra who will offer free baby-sitting for life (go ask gabachos who live far away from their parents how much baby-sitting costs)—but she isn’t. So you have my blessing, Ex Novio: Break ’em up. Just remember, though, that the mujer will soon start asking you why you love your mom so, so have fun with your pinche novela.

Dear Mexican: As a proud Tex-Mex, I’ve always heard huevos used to describe anyone with brass and huevón to describe a lazy ass.

How can that be? Shouldn’t a huevón be a Super-Mex?

Tony Romo Should Retire

Dear Pocho: You’d think, right? However, while praising someone’s testicular fortitude is an almost universal compliment, you don’t want your balls too big in Mexico, as that pegs you as animalistic—e.g., stupid. So that’s why huevón (big-balled) means lazy, similar to the Argentine boludo and the Chicano #fucktrump—except Trump’s balls are as big as his hands.

Ask the Mexican at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.; be his fan on Facebook; follow him on Twitter @gustavoarellano; or follow him on Instagram @gustavo_arellano!

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