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Last updateTue, 18 Sep 2018 1pm

In light of the recent uproar over Donald Trump’s blast at Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly—about “blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever,” after she asked him a question he didn’t like—I want to announce that I am not only the Lovable Liberal; I am also the Goddess of Political Correctness.

My history includes Russian and Polish ancestors. I have exes who are Irish, Mexican-Indian (Mestizo), British, African American and Canadian. I was born Jewish; chose Unitarian, Baha’i and Buddhist; and married a lapsed Catholic. I’m a pro-choice feminist with a gay son and a lesbian cousin, was born in New Jersey, and was raised in California. I lived in the South. And, yes, I am blonde.

There is almost no group you can insult where I won’t take offense. I am hypersensitive to jokes, comments, observations or judgments based on anyone’s color, religion, nationality, region, accent, sexual orientation, gender, physical disability, appearance or size.

Yes, I can laugh at genuinely funny jokes if they’re told by someone who speaks from an insider’s experience: Italian family stories told by Italians, Jewish jokes from Jewish comedians, stereotypes about low-riders told by those who have driven them, gay dating disasters when told by gays, insider observations on women by women—if the jokes are funny, I’ll laugh.

By contrast, jokes that denigrate others based on stereotypes and that come from an assumption of superiority … not funny.

Political correctness is very much in the news as Trump, accused of misogynistic statements, responded with, “I don’t, frankly, have time for total political correctness.” Trump claims his comments about Kelly don’t require an apology, because the audience laughed and applauded when he inserted a joke saying that Rosie O’Donnell was “a fat pig” while Kelly questioned his other comments about women. Kelly was asking whether he felt his previous statements reflected “the temperament of a man we should elect as president”—a serious question, by the way.

Trump said he couldn’t recall specifics of insulting women—although he published disparaging comments about his ex-wives and others in his books, specifically about their roles as women. I don’t think he considers those comments insulting, merely descriptive. When he was subsequently disinvited to a conservative forum because of his remarks about Kelly, he said, “This is just another example of weakness through being politically correct.”

That use of the term “politically correct” is merely a shield. While it’s bad enough that a “politically correct” comment may be offensive to those being disparaged, it also reflects badly on the person saying it. It’s like my non-Jewish friend who emails jokes about Jews that are really offensive, and then says, “A Jewish guy sent it to me,” as if that makes it OK that he’s sending it on to others. It’s not unlike Trump’s re-tweeting of comments describing Kelly as a whore and worse, and then being unwilling to take any personal responsibility for the sentiments.

So what exactly is “political correctness? Merriam-Webster defines it as “agreeing with the idea that people should be careful to not use language or behave in a way that could offend a particular group of people.” Sounds reasonable, doesn’t it? The Free Dictionary says it is “conforming to a particular sociopolitical ideology or point of view, especially to a liberal point of view concerned with promoting tolerance and avoiding offense in matters of race, class, gender, and sexual orientation.” Does that mean promoting tolerance and avoiding offense is somehow confined to liberals? I hope not.

People who align with the political right often say political correctness is intended to stifle free thought. In other words, people shouldn’t have to self-censor before saying things that demean or insult others. Really?

When did “political correctness” even become an issue and part of our politics? It wasn’t until the early 1990s, when conservative author Dinesh D’Souza used the term to condemn efforts to promote multiculturalism in society, through policy efforts such as affirmative action, designations of hate speech, and a focus in school curricula on all aspects of American history and culture (i.e., black history and women’s studies).

In 1991, at a commencement ceremony for a graduating class of the University of Michigan, then-President George H.W. Bush spoke out against what he called “a movement (that would) declare certain topics ‘off-limits,’ certain expressions ‘off-limits,’ even certain gestures ‘off-limits.’” So I guess it was just political correctness when the Germans outlawed all public references to Nazism or displays of Nazi symbols.

Those on the right quickly adopted the term to criticize any individual reactions or public policies that they felt attempted to limit language or actions that might offend or disadvantage any group of people. Liberals responded by claiming conservatives were merely attempting to divert public attention from issues of discrimination and the need to respond with public policy. Both are right.

The best weapon we have for combating discrimination and moving toward an equal, inclusive, and tolerant civil society—the hallmark of what America stands for, if it stands for anything—is through the one weapon that has always worked to hold people accountable for their prejudices: social disapproval.

So does political correctness mean you can’t say what you think? Frankly, I hope not. I want to know how ignorant you are, and how insecure you are that you’re willing to diminish others to make yourself feel superior, and how unevolved you are in matters of race or religion or acceptance of others.

Donald Trump’s behavior reflects a boorish disregard for the reactions of others, a compulsion to take everything personally, and a willingness to appeal to “spit-in-their-eye” malcontents who don’t care about issues, but only want to feel less disempowered. In the words of Palm Springs radio host Chad Benson, “Trump says things that people think, and they don’t want to feel bad about it.”

Every woman ought to know that Trump’s comments about Megyn Kelly were implicitly “on the rag” in nature. Many other instances of his denigration of women are well-documented in his writings, tweets and public statements. Look it up!

This is not about political correctness; it’s about small-mindedness and the reality that no one can say out loud what they don’t already think. You can’t possibly use the “N” word to describe someone if that word, and its traditional meaning, isn’t already in your head. You can’t put down women if you don’t already think of them as a lesser category of human beings in your head; saying “I love women” doesn’t change that. You can’t stereotype behaviors as “gay” if you’re not afraid of being associated with such behaviors yourself.

As the Goddess of Political Correctness, I want you to get conscious about the characterizations and assumptions you actually hold about others whom you see as unlike yourself. When someone reacts negatively to something you think you said innocently, instead of getting defensive, why not ask them why they are offended and learn something? You can't self-censor until you're aware of what ought to be censored and why.

Finally, with regard to that “on the rag” nonsense—rather than being insulted, just remember what feminist icon Gloria Steinem said: “Why isn’t it logical to say that, in those few days, women behave the most like the way men behave all month long?”

The best defense is a legitimate offense—especially if it’s not only funny, but true!

Anita Rufus is also known as “The Lovable Liberal,” and her radio show airs Sundays from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. on KNews Radio 94.3 FM. Email her at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Know Your Neighbors appears every other Wednesday.

Published in Know Your Neighbors

I remember my friend Jean every time I hear about the suicide death of a young person.

Jean found her 17-year-old son, shot dead by his own hand, in their living room. Although I have known others who lost a child (a reality I can thankfully only imagine), it’s Jean who stands out. The impact on her family was devastating.

That was the first suicide involving somebody close to me; sad to say, I’ve had others in my life. It was also the first time I heard the adage: “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.”

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that each year, approximately 157,000 youth between the ages of 10 and 24 receive medical care for self-inflicted injuries in ERs across the country. HealthyChildren.org says that suicide is one of the three leading causes of death for 13-to-19-year-olds in the United States, with an average of four deaths every day.

Not surprisingly, suicide attempts with a firearm are usually deadly, while people who use drugs or other methods have a greater chance for survival. About 45 percent of young people use firearms to attempt suicide, and boys are more at risk to die: 81 percent of deaths are males—because they are more likely to use firearms.

“Even in the best of circumstances, when you’re in adolescence, you feel different,” says Palm Desert resident Carol Bayer, a licensed marriage and family therapist who counsels many teenagers. “Depression and despair can come from betrayal or rejection by a best friend, the end of a love affair, family conflicts, or just feeling isolated, alone, and without family support or coping skills. Even if they want to reach out, they assume others will say they’re just being ‘dramatic’ and tell them to get over it. But they don’t believe they have options other than ending the pain.”

A recent effort, specifically targeted toward LGBT teenagers, is the” It Gets Better” campaign, which uses videos—featuring people ranging from normal, everyday folks to high-profile stars—to reach out to bullied young people.

“Everyone deserves to be respected for who they are,” says the website. Organizers ask people to join their campaign and to pledge: “I’ll provide hope for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and other bullied teens by letting them know that it gets better.”

Meanwhile, Caitlyn Jenner is shining light on transgender suicide in her new reality TV program.

But it’s not enough to just tell kids it gets better. An analysis by Harvard’s Injury Control Research Center indicates that for every age group across the country, “states with higher levels of household gun ownership had higher rates of firearm suicide. … The vast majority of adolescent suicide guns come from parents or other family members.”

A 2012 study by the Children's Defense Fund indicates the gun death rate for children and teens is four times greater in the United States than in Canada (the country with the next-highest rate), and 65 times greater than in Germany and Britain. Even more disturbing, public health researchers found that 43 percent of homes with guns and children have at least one unlocked firearm.

The Children’s Defense Fund also reports that in 2008-2009, an estimated U.S. 127 children died from gunshots in their homes, and dozens more died in the homes of friends, neighbors and relatives. More than half pulled the trigger themselves or were shot by another child. At least 52 deaths involved a child handling a gun left unsecured; 60 children died at the hands of their own parents, with 50 of them in homicides. The average age of the victims was 6 years old.

Research by the New England Journal of Medicine shows that when doctors consult with patients about the risk of keeping firearms in a home, it leads to significantly higher rates of handgun removal or safer storage. Yet the National Rifle Association has fought against such policies, backing the "Docs vs. Glocks" law passed in Florida in 2011, which prohibited doctors, even pediatricians, from asking patients about firearms in the home.

When a 2-year-old gets access to his dad’s loaded gun and shoots himself, or a 13-year-old gets hold of an unsecured rifle and blasts a 9-year-old in the face, or a 2-year-old is shot in the head before her father turns the gun on himself, or two young children shoot others and then kill themselves—when we have apparently become inured to the death of children at school, or we take as the new normal random killings in movie theaters, have we at last lost our ability to be outraged and insist that public policy respond to limit these horrendous events?

Even as violent crime rates overall have declined steadily in recent years, rates of gun injury and death are climbing. In an editorial in Annals of Internal Medicine, a team of doctors wrote: "It does not matter whether we believe that guns kill people or that people kill people with guns—the result is the same: a public health crisis.”

Meanwhile, Congress, under the aggressive and well-funded lobbying influence of the NRA, refuses to allow funding for federal medical research to study firearm deaths and injuries as the public health issues they clearly are. According to Mother Jones, “Political forces effectively banned the Centers for Disease Control and other scientific agencies from funding research on gun-related injury and death. The ban worked: (There have been) no relevant studies published since 2005.”

There are two types of gun-related public health costs. First, there are direct costs, exceeding $8.6 billion, with the largest portion being long-term prison costs; about 87 percent of these costs fall on taxpayers. Second, there are indirect costs, adding up to at least $221 billion, including lost income, losses to employers, and losses based on court costs and awards to victims and their families. One would think that based on cost alone, Congress would be willing to act. Of course, that’s not the case.

As overwhelming as all these statistics may be, and as helpless as we may feel to impact public policy, there are ways to get involved and make a difference:

  • Moms Demand Action has a local chapter and needs volunteers who are willing to spread the message that we must act to protect kids from accidental or deliberate use of guns. Palm Desert’s Dori Smith (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.), the local representative, reminds us: “It’s easier to lock up a gun than it is to grieve a dead child.”
  • California law requires that guns in homes with children be kept locked away, preferably with trigger guards, with ammunition stored separately.
  • Never assume that children don’t know where guns are, or that they are unable to access them—they do, and they will. Grandparents, this means you, too.
  • Ask parents of your children’s friends about the status of firearms in their homes before your child spends time there. Better safe than sorry.
  • If your teen becomes depressed, and you have any concern about access to firearms, get guns out of your house for the time being.
  • Take seriously any thoughts of or mention of suicide, and immediately seek professional help. Go to the emergency room if no other option exists.
  • The local chapter of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention sponsors an annual Out of the Darkness Walk, a chance to be with others who can share their experiences and coping skills. Don’t be afraid to reach out.
  • Tell your elected representatives that you want medical professionals to be allowed to study and then implement firearm-related public health policies.

Most survivors of a suicide attempt are glad they were saved. Unfortunately, those who make that attempt with a firearm are usually successful. I can never erase from my mind the agony of my friend Jean when she found her son’s body. No parent should ever have to face that.

We must never accept this as the new normal. These are our children.

Anita Rufus is also known as “The Lovable Liberal,” and her radio show airs Sundays from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. on KNews Radio 94.3 FM. Email her at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Know Your Neighbors appears every other Wednesday.

Published in Know Your Neighbors

Summer is whizzing by, and many (most?) parents are ready for it to end. Parts of our area are often referred to as “retirement communities” based on the higher average age of residents, but there are lots of families who need educational activities for the energy their kids never seem to lack.

“Go read a book!” my mother used to tell me. And read, I did. I remember the summer of World War II (Battle Cry, From Here to Eternity, The Naked and the Dead), the summer of religious understanding (The Robe, The Silver Chalice, The Education of Hyman Kaplan) and the summer of family drama (A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, The Children’s Hour).

Today, toddlers still enjoy picture books, while youngsters read stories about small animals and relatable kids with smelly pants. Older ones begin to get interested in futuristic fiction, or fantasy characters, or learning about things they enjoy, like anime or avatar creation. Alas, some young people don’t like to read at all, or live in homes where books are a luxury, or a public library is too far away, or there is no Internet access.

For local kids who are able to get to a library, our local libraries have special activities for kids of all ages. However, I’ve been most intrigued by the music-themed Summer Reading Program for teens being offered by the Palm Desert Library

I dropped in on the weekly program meeting last Thursday, July 9. The “Musical Jeopardy!” event was held in the community room under the guidance of Lisa Branch, head city librarian, and emceed by Natalie Bernhardt, youth services assistant, and Sean Corbin, teen services associate. The take-off on the Jeopardy! television show, complete with categories and prizes (mini golf tickets, caramel apples, movie passes, etc.) engaged those attending with visual and audio clues of increasing difficulty. The room was equipped with a big screen on which the questions were shown, coordinated with soundtracks and scorekeeping controlled by a computer.

Some attendees were siblings; others had wandered in alone. They were split into three teams and called up to the contestant seats one at a time. Each seat had a different “buzzer” (actually, squeaky dog chew toys), each making a distinctive silly sound.

I sat in the back with the mother of two of the nine participating teens, who appeared to range in age from about 10 to 16, and who represented the diversity of races and cultures in our area. The group evenly split between boys and girls.

Although initially somewhat shy, the students quickly warmed to the teamwork necessary to compete, including the rule that allowed them two chances to confer with teammates if an answer eluded them. There were lots of laughs and high-fives when a team scored.

Categories in the first round included Name the Movie Theme, Name the Instrument, Album Covers, Disney Songs, and Human Shazam (which featured audio clues; answer was either the name of the song or the artist). The second round had Know Your Dead Composer’s Birthday (the clues mostly stumped me), Dance, Tattoo/Artist, Instrument/Genre, and Cover Songs (with the answer the name of the artist who did the original of each song).

The song and album questions were easily answered by the teens, if the music was popular within the last five to 10 years, but they were stumped by things like the covered song that was originally a big hit by The Jackson 5, or the group whose album featured its four musicians striding across a street (Abbey Road—they didn’t know The Beatles!).

Some missed questions were understandable. Teens today have little reason to know what castanets are (those clacky hand instruments usually associated with flamenco dancers), or how to distinguish a mandolin from a guitar or banjo. They recognized bagpipes, the triangle and even the kalimba (or thumb piano)—because it turned out the program featured a Build an Instrument event the week before.

They had trouble with where the tango originated (Argentina) or what country gave us the Viennese waltz (Austria—one answered Vietnam!). They didn’t know that the composer of Swan Lake and The Nutcracker, born in 1840, was Tchaikovsky, or that the composer born in 1756 and known for flamboyant behavior, who died at 35, was Mozart.

These young people knew the Pink Panther and Indiana Jones movie themes, but didn’t recognize the theme from Superman. They had no trouble with the theme from Harry Potter movies, but were stumped by many of the Disney questions (Disneyland didn’t seem to figure much in their experience). However, they easily got the 34-letter Disney song title “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.”

One of the toughest categories was Instrument/Genre. One clue asked what instrument was featured in both polka and zydeco (accordion). Another asked what metal instrument is featured in both reggae and calypso music (steel drum). The students were mostly unaware of music genres other than pop rock.

The competition also featured extra-point questions for which the team that got closest to an actual number without going over won the point. None of the teams knew, for example, that a standard piano has 88 keys, but the guess of 64 came closest and got the points.

I couldn’t stay to see which team won the day, but I was so glad I had been exposed to what is being offered to our kids by our local libraries. We too often take for granted that exposure to the art and music of previous generations is being passed on. However, with budget cuts and a need to “teach to the tests,” it is difficult for schools to incorporate music and art appreciation classes. You can volunteer and make a difference in the life of a child—call your local school and ask how you can help.

Our history as a people is inextricably intertwined with the arts and music of each historical era, and exposure to this history expands our ability to appreciate what we see and hear today. Students need this education—and it shouldn’t be relegated only to summer programs run by libraries.

Anita Rufus is also known as “The Lovable Liberal,” and her radio show airs Sundays from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. on KNews Radio 94.3 FM. Email her at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Know Your Neighbors appears every other Wednesday.

Published in Know Your Neighbors

You live across the country from your parents. You’re raising your children and are wondering how you’ll send three kids to college in a few years. You take pills for some chronic conditions and worry that one major medical crisis might wipe out your retirement plans. You live modestly, in a small middle-class home, and you have no desire to move.

On your visit to the desert to visit Mom and Dad, you plan to play a little golf and relax. But you notice that Dad’s eyesight isn’t what it used to be; he doesn’t drive at night anymore—and you’re not so sure he should be driving at all. His legs aren’t as strong as they once were; he used to love to walk but now cramps up after only a block.

Mom is still playing bridge with her friends, but she is having trouble remembering things (in fact, she tells the same story over and over again), and no longer has the energy for housework. You realize the dishes aren’t really clean, and some food long past its expiration date is in the refrigerator. You worry about her management of medicines.

How long, you wonder, will it be before they’re going to need some help or supervision to continue living independently? Who will take them to the doctor? Do they need emergency-alert devices in case they fall? Who will oversee their medicines? Who will make sure they’re eating well? And how are you going to initiate the conversation about care without starting World War III?

Say hello to the current “sandwich generation”—the baby boomers (born between 1946 and 1964) currently in their 50s and 60s, with children still at home or boomeranging back home. They’re preparing for their own retirement, often with aging parents in their 70s and beyond who need help, but don’t want to admit it. According to Baby Boomers R We, a Pew Research Center report indicated that “one in every eight middle-aged Americans … is currently caring for at least one child and a parent under the same roof.” Not surprisingly, 75 percent of those family care providers are women.

This role reversal presents some big challenges: Elders don’t want to admit they need help, especially to their children, and they fear losing control of their own lives. How do you make sure aging parents are getting both the care and the dignity they deserve, and manage your own needs and obligations at the same time—especially if you don’t live nearby?

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, among the top three fastest-growing occupations through 2018 will be personal care aides and home health workers, with occupational and physical therapists not far behind. These professionals—often with extensive training, but sometimes they’re people who are merely willing to do the work—are critical to making sure Mom and Dad get the support they may need, especially since each generation is living longer. So how do you find what you need for your parents here in the desert if you live in Oshkosh, or Baltimore, or Vancouver, or San Jose?

The Riverside County Office on Aging is a good place to start. Authorized under the federal Older Americans Act and the Older Californians Act, this agency provides funding and leadership support to help service providers who work with seniors and adults with disabilities. They provide referrals for those who wish to remain at home, as well as programs for family caregivers. Their HelpLink staff can connect you to services and care specialists at 800-510-2020.

Local small service businesses have begun to fill the need for assistance with personal and health-care oversight. Fairly new on the scene are professional geriatric care managers or consultants, who can plan and coordinate programs to support and improve the quality of life for aging individuals. They often come from nursing, social work or gerontology backgrounds, and are expected to have extensive knowledge about the costs, quality and availability of services in their communities. After a detailed assessment, they generate a plan that may include recommendations about housing, home care, nutritional needs, daily activities and even financial or legal assistance.

Another resource in the Coachella Valley is ACT1 (Aging Community Team), a nonprofit group that brings together 67 local organizations and individuals who provide services to local senior and disabled populations. Among the members who are “Supporting Seniors Through Community Teamwork” are businesses that offer specialized residence facilities, in-home care, medical supplies, health and fitness activities and legal or financial services, as well as organizations that run errands, prepare meals, see to personal hygiene and do light housekeeping. Several ACT1 companies specialize in relocation services: They will pack up, conduct sales, and set up a new household, including hanging the pictures. ACT1 also sponsors scholarship grants and recently awarded assistance to nine local students who plan health-related careers.

Needless to say, support services are not free. Even though professional caregivers are not highly paid, 24/7 oversight gets expensive, and geriatric care managers who can help you sort through all the service providers are not covered by either Medicare or Medicaid (a major flaw in our seniors’ health-care system, as is the lack of coverage for long-term care … but that’s a subject for another column).

So let’s say you look into all the possibilities and realize you really have no choice: Mom is going to have to come live with you, and you’ll figure out which kid will sleep on the couch. Or you’re going to have to move in with Dad and put your career or your relationship on hold for a while. After all, that’s what we’re supposed to do, right?

Since the baby boomers—who have set cultural trends ever since they were conceived—are right in the middle of all this, let’s at least find the silver lining.

Baby Boomers R We is happy to tell you that there are some real positives to being in the sandwich generation. “First and foremost may be a renewed sharing of family values. … Our children might learn some family history from their own grandparents, not to mention some valuable life insights. In turn, our parents may no longer feel isolated or abandoned just because of age, in fact feeling more connected with day-to-day life and events. Everyone can celebrate family moments, and cherish them for a lifetime.

“Another positive could be the pooling of resources, whether by desire or economic necessity. The down economy in recent years has likely deflated the value of portfolios and property alike. … The pooling of remaining resources could make them stretch much further. In cases where the numbers are more favorable, it might make sense to add onto our own home or to relocate to new accommodations. Besides meeting an immediate need, dwellings that provide in-laws quarters’ may very well have an enhanced value in the future.

“After all, we may be the first generation to be sandwiched, but we’re certainly not going to be the last!”

Anita Rufus is also known as “The Lovable Liberal,” and her radio show airs Sundays from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. on KNews Radio 94.3 FM. Email her at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Know Your Neighbors appears every other Wednesday.

Published in Know Your Neighbors

June is graduation month, and there was one ceremony that had a particular impact on me: The graduation of Thermal’s Desert Mirage High School Class of 2015.

The ceremony was held at the Indian Wells Tennis Club on a hot evening. The ceremony began with students in pairs holding large wire bowers covered with flowers, to make a path for the senior class to enter. And enter, they did—wearing white robes and caps for the top scholars, with red for the rest of the class. Many graduates had hand-decorated messages on their mortarboards, and robes festooned with bright floral leis or sparkling lights. As they circled the grass court to their assigned seats, families and friends cheered as the graduates struck poses or danced their way along the floral pathway.

It’s well known that I cry easily, and my tears began as I scanned the half-full stadium, full of proud parents, grandparents and other relatives. I particularly focused on the young brothers and sisters who were getting the chance to participate in a rite of passage where children learn what’s important to their families. I could see the pride and excitement as each family stood to shout encouragement as their graduating student walked by, waving and beaming.

This graduation has particular significance for me. I’ve written about Alejandra Franco before—she is a remarkable young woman who demonstrates how second-generation immigrants have embraced the American dream. In this case, Alejandra is the valedictorian of the graduating class, with a GPA of 4.39, and has been accepted to attend USC—apparently the first student from Desert Mirage to have that opportunity.

The vast majority of these graduating seniors are of Hispanic heritage, and in many cases, Spanish is still the primary language spoken at home. While I could not understand all of the conversations taking place around me, the joy and pride exhibited easily transcended language barriers.

Desert Mirage’s principal, Stephen Franklin, welcomed everyone in both English and Spanish. All stood for the presentation of colors. Then the national anthem was sung by senior Alondra Ibarra, as the audience, hands over hearts, stood respectfully. My tears began again as I listened to the a capella voice of this angel. Wow!

Salutatorian Everett Rivera-Meza, with a 4.34 GPA and heading for UCLA, gave his speech in English and Spanish. “Always follow your dreams,” he said. “Don’t let the noise of others drown out your voice. Wherever we go, our roots are strong.”

Then it was Alejandra’s turn. Her valedictorian address offered was entirely in Spanish. “I had a time limit of three minutes, and was originally going to give it in English and Spanish,” she explained, “but I had to choose, and I chose Spanish because I wanted my family, most importantly my parents, to fully understand.”

Alejandra told two stories in her speech. The first was about “connecting the dots and finding our purpose,” where she linked her father’s immigration difficulties some years ago to her passion for getting an education. “Imagine,” she said, “at 12, getting home after a usual day at school like any other—but then your mom tells you that your father has been taken by (Immigration and Customs Enforcement), and you see the desperate look in her eyes is screaming, ‘What are we going to do?’ Then to have your little brothers get home from school and ask why Dad has not arrived from work; having to grip all courage possible to be able to answer with a smile that he is away working. The days pass by, and you witness how Mother is doing the impossible. Being forced to lie to your little brothers and tell them everything is fine, and having to send them to bed with the hopes that father will be back tomorrow. Keeping a straight face at school, but knowing once you get home, you will be confronted by reality. Doing everything possible to be of use, whether it be taking care of my brothers, doing chores around the house … having to wait for everyone to be in bed in order to be able to do homework, staying up late and ... not setting aside education, and not failing your parents.

“At 12 years of age, I was trying to understand: Why did my family have to suffer all of this? Perhaps in that moment, I wasn’t able to understand, but now, almost six years later, I connect the dots and realize that all the suffering was rather a blessing. Because of what happened, my father can live at peace, as he was given a second chance, but I also discovered my vocation: I clearly see my purpose is to go to a university, educate myself, and come back to my community to offer services to families like my own.”

Alejandra’s second story was about there being no excuse for not achieving success. “Hemiplegia is total paralysis of half the body that affects the center motors of the brain and its development—that was the path that was chosen for me at birth. ‘She will never walk; she will never be normal; she will not even live past her first birthday.’ I would become no one.

“Nonetheless, life gave me amazing parents who did not consider me a lost cause, even when all the odds were against us. My parents fought to give me the opportunity to live. Having crossed the border with nothing and sacrificing everything, even going days without any food or water, they risked everything to offer us a better tomorrow.

“Even after all the hardships suffered, I understood that there is no such thing as ‘impossible’ or any obstacle that serves as an excuse to not continue striving forward. Not only did I win the battle to keep living, but I also triumphed over death itself when it knocked at my door. And that is why I speak to all of you as living testimony that with the same perseverance and determination as our parents, family members, friends, teachers or whomever guided us through these years of education, we must keep pushing forward with the purpose of demonstrating our full potential, not as Latinos or Raza, but as the wonderful human beings we are, creating the better tomorrow we see engraved in the callused and hardworking hands of our parents. It is our duty to demonstrate to each and every one who is present that they have not come to celebrate us in vain.”

My tears flowed.

This graduating class will be attending nine University of California campuses, 11 Cal State colleges, and schools in New Mexico, Arizona, Texas and New York. Many graduates will be continuing their education at College of the Desert, at technical schools and in the military.

Many, like Alejandra, are the children of immigrants. They should be celebrated as a welcome addition to the American story that they are helping to write. They deserve our support, our admiration and public policies that support their participation—out of the shadows and in full pursuit of the American dream.

Anita Rufus is also known as “The Lovable Liberal,” and her radio show airs Sundays from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. on KNews Radio 94.3 FM. Email her at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Know Your Neighbors appears every other Wednesday.

Published in Know Your Neighbors

Regular readers know that I do a lot of work regarding end-of-life decision-making. I once discovered an advance directive written by a man who went to great lengths to define the things he believed made him “a person”:

  • The ability to understand what is happening around me.
  • Awareness of the consequences of medical decisions related to my condition.
  • Knowing who I love and care about, and being able to recognize and communicate with them.

He said that if ever he were no longer a person, based on this definition, he didn’t want his life prolonged. He also made a special request of his loved ones: “If ever anyone is in my presence discussing me or my condition, I want them to talk as if I were present.”

Reading that made me realize how often we inadvertently ignore someone’s presence. Nurse’s aides may be so focused on emptying waste or washing floors that they seem unaware of the person in the bed. Doctors sometimes consult with their associates about one’s condition and treatment while seemingly forgetting the patient can hear them. Family members will talk in the third person about something funny that Dad did when they were younger—although Dad is right there, even if he seems asleep or oblivious.

I once suffered from temporary aphasia after coming out of a surgical anesthetic—I was able to think clearly, but unable to speak or be understood. I was terrified. I was reminded of that scare at a recent recitation by the writers in the “You Don’t Have to Be Hemingway” group in Palm Desert.

One writer’s piece in particular really touched me. Patty Stevens (upper right) is a dynamic personality who is about to turn 80. She’s been in the desert 11 years from Indiana, and is the mother of six, with 14 grandchildren and six great-grandchildren.

“I’m not a writer,” she says. “I just thought this was a good time for me to try, and all of a sudden, these stories started coming out. Now, I just love it.”

Stevens ran a day-care center for 38 years and entertained the children with song and dance, “but I couldn’t read in front of other people. Now I can’t wait to read out loud what I’ve written.”

Her contribution was in response to the suggestion to write from the perspective of something inanimate. She decided to take a broader view of what “inanimate” means, and created “Old Man Silenced by Stroke”:

When I was a little boy in grade school, my teacher told us to stop talking so much. … Miss Jackson told us about an old man sitting on a park bench all alone, not talking because he had used up all his words when he was young. That scared me. So I was careful to only talk when I felt I had something important to say.

I had a good life—great education—wonderful wife and three children. And to my surprise one day, I had a stroke. It was a bad stroke with no warning. I ate right. I exercised. I loved my life. And I had a very bad stroke.

Now here I am in a hospital bed with no movement of my body.

I can see and hear. But no one knows I’m here inside this wasted body.

Nurses change me, feed me, clean me, talk nice to me. I have a lot of words inside me, and I can’t speak. I saved all my words for a long life. What am I going to do with them now?

My wife came to visit and talked and talked and talked. I wanted her to STOP. I heard all about her activities. The children visited to tell me what vacations they were taking and were planning. I want to go. I want to tell them the plans I have.

My nurse will bring flowers and read cards to me. They don’t show them to me. They just read who they are from and put them on the door for others to see. Visitors laugh and tell jokes about world affairs. I want to read a paper. Please turn on the TV for me to hear and see news. …

I wish there was a plug I could pull. If God takes this much of a body and leaves these senses, it’s not fair. This is too painful.

I can still pray for others. That’s what I’ll do. I’ll do it the rest of my life. Pray for the world, for peace. And pray for others, especially those who come to visit. They need to appreciate their life more. And be considerate of others’ ears when they talk. Smile more.

I still have my life. I’m just a little short of some things, but I will give it my all till I die.

The idea of being unable to communicate may be the condition people dread most. I still remember the fear I felt. However, Patty Stevens’ “Old Man Silenced by Stroke,” albeit fictional, communicates the fact that there is still somebody in there.

Maybe my concept of personhood needs some adjusting. I think of that aforementioned man’s attempt to define what it means to be a person, and how easily I agreed with his need to be able to communicate. I think of those who find a way, through sheer will, to connect through eye blinks or artificial intelligence or because a devoted spouse can read their thoughts.

If I were trapped inside my own mind, unable to communicate in any way, I would no longer define myself as a person, although I might still be alive. What defines it for you?

Anita Rufus is also known as “The Lovable Liberal,” and her radio show airs Sundays from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. on KNews Radio 94.3 FM. Email her at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Know Your Neighbors appears every other Wednesday.

Published in Know Your Neighbors

One of the joys of writing a column called “Know Your Neighbors” is the freedom to share some of my own experiences. I am, after all, your neighbor.

I’ve written before about pet peeves, including my greatest irritation—people who talk during movies. I’ve also written about how we regrettably see those unlike ourselves as “the other,” against whom we feel somehow justified in harboring prejudice and fear. Some of the hateful comments on all sides after the recent trouble in Baltimore epitomize this phenomenon.

Once in a while, however, we get the chance to see ourselves as “them”—in other words, we, ourselves, become like those people to whom we feel superior, those people who don’t know how to behave the way we believe they should. It happened to me recently, when those two earlier themes collided.

I decided to go to the movies early on a Tuesday afternoon not too long ago to see Kevin Costner in McFarland. Our busy season is all but over, so I assumed the theater would be almost empty, assuring I could enjoy a pleasant and blissfully quiet experience. I got my popcorn and soda, and walked into the small theater—which was amazingly more than half full. The lights were still on, because the previews had not yet begun, and before I even started down the aisle, I thought perhaps I had made a big mistake.

The people seated throughout the room, except for a few random couples scattered about, were clearly a rowdy bunch, talking trash to each other, being loud and boisterous, and shouting across the room to loud laughter with coarse language. The mostly male group had tattoos and leather jackets. My first thought was, “Oh, my God, a motorcycle club must have decided today was a good day to go to the movies. Maybe I should leave right now, traipse around the mall for a couple of hours, and come back to a later show, or ask for my money back and call it a day.”

I paused a moment while I considered what to do. I already had my popcorn, so what would I do with that if I left? And if I walked around the mall, I would surely spend money I really didn’t have to spend. Even in that short experience of the audience, I knew this would not be a crowd that would react well to the “Shhh!” at which I have become quite the expert. No, these were not the type of people I would want to confront.

Then it occurred to me that this might be the best possible environment in which to confront my knee-jerk reaction to people who talk back to the screen or who can’t seem to control their need to question what’s going on. (“Why did he say that?” “Isn’t that the actress who was in that TV show?” “What’s he going to do next?”) This might be my chance to grow as a person and learn to incorporate in my movie-going experience the reality that I have to share the theater with others who haven’t learned good manners. Wouldn’t that make me the truly superior one?

As I found a seat, one of the members of the “gang” made a comment about how I had chosen exactly the right row to sit in; I just half-smiled and sat. I began to listen to the banter floating around the room and gleaned that these were not bikers; rather, they were members of the Coachella music-festival crew, waiting out jobs for the following weekend at Stagecoach. They were either stagehands or security, and it sounded like most were vagabonds who move around and work shows across the country.

When the previews of coming attractions began, the comments around the theater changed to responses to what was on the screen. Some were downright funny, and I laughed along in spite of myself. My favorite was when a new movie with Helen Hunt was previewed, and the closing shot was of her saying to her love interest, “Just use my body until I’m through with you.” The group hooted and hollered at that one!

The lights began to dim; the feature film was about to begin. I settled in and told myself I could learn to incorporate the raucousness and still enjoy the movie without feeling it was my job to keep order and appropriateness in the environment.

As the lights went dark and the opening credits began to roll, from somewhere toward the front of the theater, I heard a loud, “Shhh! It’s starting!” Amazingly, the entire room went silent.

It stayed that way throughout.

McFarland is a good movie with a good message. It has quality production values, fine acting and an engaging cast, and the after-credits feature images of the real people who were part of the actual story, and say where they are now. I admit to a few tears (but I also cry at parades and football games).

Perhaps the best review of the film that I can give is that just before the final credits rolled, when the film ended, the room exploded with applause. I was, frankly, stunned. How often do you hear a movie audience show that kind of appreciation?

My prejudice about the guys in that theater, and my snap-judgment stereotyping, filled me with fear. I almost turned tail and ran. I’m so glad I didn’t.

People who don’t look and act like you do are entitled to the benefit of the doubt, even if they travel in “gangs.” Obviously, blue-collar gypsies (talk about a stereotype) ought to be respected, not feared, and presumed innocent until actions prove them guilty of something.

When you come right down to it, we’re really all the same: We just want to spend an afternoon enjoying a good movie. Just don’t talk while the movie is on!

Anita Rufus is also known as “The Lovable Liberal,” and her radio show airs Sundays from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. on KNews Radio 94.3 FM. Email her at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Know Your Neighbors appears every other Wednesday at CVIndependent.com.

Published in Know Your Neighbors

One category of gun deaths goes beyond even National Rifle Association-inspired “no restrictions on guns” inanity: when small children get guns and accidentally shoot someone.

It happens far too often:

  • Elmo, Mo.: A 5-year-old found his grandpa’s loaded gun and killed his 9-month-old baby brother with a shot in the head.
  • Emerson, Neb.: A 4-year-old got a rifle from a gun case underneath a bed and shot his mother while playing with it. The bullet went through a wall and a recliner, hitting her in the side.
  • Newark, N.J.: A 9-year-old girl was shot by her 12-year-old brother playing with a handgun in their home. The mother faced child-endangerment charges.
  • Hayden, Idaho: A 2-year-old killed his 29-year-old mother in a Walmart. She had a loaded weapon in her purse and a concealed-weapons permit. 
  • Tulsa, Okla: An Army veteran, 26, was killed after being shot in the head by her 3-year-old son. The child found a handgun and fired one shot.
  • Louisville, Ky.: A 4-year-old accidentally killed herself when she grabbed a handgun left by a relative on a piece of furniture. Charges against the relative were dropped.
  • Cleveland: A 1-year-old boy was killed by a 3-year-old family member when he picked up a gun, which went off. "It’s a sad day for Cleveland," said Cleveland Police Chief Calvin Williams on newsnet5, an ABC affiliate. "This fascination we have with handguns … in this country has to stop. This is a senseless loss of life." The person responsible for bringing the weapon into the home and leaving it where the child could get to it was said to likely face charges.
  • Detroit: A 30-year-old Michigan mother was charged with second-degree child abuse after her 4-year-old son shot himself in the thigh. She apparently fell asleep on the couch after returning from a shooting range, leaving her handgun in her holster.

Locally, deaths and injuries from guns are in the news virtually every day, and the headlines are cumulatively alarming. Statistics show that more than 2 million American children live in homes with unsecured guns—and as many as 1.7 million of those homes include guns which are loaded and unlocked. More than two-thirds of accidental shootings by children could have been avoided if guns had been responsibly stored, according to Shannon Watts, founder of Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America.

“Nearly two children are killed in unintentional shootings in America each week,” Watts wrote in a piece for the Huffington Post. “America’s epidemic of gun violence has been sustained for so long that even toddlers and children shooting children is becoming a terrifying new normal.”

Moms Demand Action is the national organization Watts began after the 2012 Sandy Hook shootings in Newtown, Conn. The group is dedicated to demanding action from lawmakers, companies and educational institutions to establish common-sense gun-law reforms that protect children: child access prevention (CAP) laws. Although the NRA says such laws infringe on Second Amendment rights, polling shows that about 82 percent of Americans—and 81 percent of gun owners—favor allowing charges against adult gun owners if a child gets a negligently stored gun, and death or serious injury results. 

Dori Smith, a Palm Desert resident since 1999, feels we’ve gone backward since Sandy Hook.

“Part of what we loved here, coming from Connecticut with lots of time spent in New York, was how safe we felt,” she says. “But now, murders—particularly gun murders—–are seemingly increasing even in our beautiful valley.” 

Dori decided to join Moms Demand Action and start a local chapter. The kickoff meeting was held in a park with about 15 local residents: a retired rabbi and his wife; a former NRA member and proud gun owner who wants smarter laws to protect children; an elder-law lawyer and his wife who believe we need common-sense laws that hold adults responsible; two retired teachers who are concerned about guns on school grounds; and others with specific connections to gun violence. One person has a son who was held up at gunpoint; another has a mentally ill cousin who bought guns in a state with lax laws; another has a friend who was shot.

Marlene Levine, a 12-year resident of La Quinta who has been in the desert for 35 years, recalls an incident when her son was in the second-grade and was with a young friend—who wanted to show off the gun in his lunch box.

“To this day,” she says, “I remain thankful for the alert playground aide who saw that something odd was happening.”

There are no federal CAP laws or any national requirements for gun owners to safely store firearms. California is one of 28 states (plus the District of Columbia) that have enacted criminal liability on persons who negligently store firearms where anyone under 18 could get access, regardless of whether the minor actually gains access or uses the gun. 

These laws do make a difference. A 1999 study found that more than 75 percent of the guns used in youth-suicide attempts or resulting in unintentional injuries were stored in the residence of the victim, a relative or a friend. CAP laws resulted in lowered suicide rates among 14- to 17-year-olds, as well as a decrease in unintentional injury in homes with children. In 12 states where such laws had been in effect for at least one year, unintentional firearm deaths fell by 23 percent among children younger than 15. 

Dori Smith wants to expand the influence of Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America here in the Coachella Valley.

“This is an issue that should transcend politics,” she says. “It’s about keeping our children safe.”

As Moms founder Shannon Watts says, “There is no such thing as an accidental shooting when it involves a child shooting himself or herself or another person with a carelessly stored gun. It’s due to an adult gun owners’ negligence.”

We should not be satisfied that California has stiff CAP laws when children in other states are at risk. As a nation, we can surely do better.

Anita Rufus is also known as “The Lovable Liberal,” and her radio show airs Sundays from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. on KNews Radio 94.3 FM. Email her at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Know Your Neighbors appears every other Wednesday at CVIndependent.com.

Published in Know Your Neighbors

Thursday, April 16, is National Healthcare Decisions Day—devoted to encouraging you to fill out an advance directive indicating who should speak for you if you can’t, and what end-of-life treatments you do and do not want.

If you’re someone who doesn’t want to think or talk about this … KEEP READING! Also, I’m not just talking to aging coots and crones—if you’re a legal adult, 18 or older, I’m talking to you!

National Healthcare Decisions Day is an “unofficial” national holiday—a collaborative national, state and community initiative to ensure that the information, opportunity and access needed to document end-of-life healthcare decisions are available to all adults capable of making informed decisions. It’s meant to educate and empower you about your rights and the importance of your wishes being respected.

Some quick background on the law: The first major decision about a constitutional right to refuse treatment was way back in 1891, when the U.S. Supreme Court recognized a common law right to “possession and control” of our own bodies. In that case, a guy had suffered injuries in a work-related accident, and his employer wanted to surgically “search” his injuries to see if his claim was justified. The court said no, and this became the precedent for many later decisions, including the right to privacy and the right to refuse unwanted treatment. In essence, the court said you “own” your own body, and you can exercise certain rights as a result—much like the ownership of land. Your body is yours, and it cannot be violated by others—even the state—unless there is a really good legal reason.

In 1914, Justice Benjamin Cardozo reconfirmed that notion, writing, “Every human being of adult years and sound mind has a right to determine what shall be done with his own body; and a surgeon who performs an operation without his patient’s consent commits an assault.” That formed the basis for requiring “informed consent” for medical treatment—those pesky forms shoved at you right before surgery that list all the horrendous worst-case possibilities.

Two later cases gave additional constitutional support. In 1986, a California Appeals Court said that a “competent adult patient has the legal right to refuse medical treatment … and, whenever possible, the patient himself should then be the ultimate decision-maker.” In 1990, the U.S. Supreme Court said that “a competent person has a constitutionally protected liberty interest in refusing unwanted medical treatment.” Also in 1990, Congress got the message and passed the Patient Self-Determination Act, which instructed each state to develop forms for individuals so they could name someone to speak for them if they were unable and to document their own wishes about treatment. Free forms are available in each state and can easily be located online.

Unfortunately, the public-education portion of the Patient Self-Determination Act was never funded. Instead of an effective public-service announcement (“This is your brain on drugs …”), we got 50 different forms and laws. If you had an advance directive in one state saying you wanted no extraordinary measures taken to prolong your life—for example, after a severe auto accident—that didn’t mean it would apply in another.

Luckily, individuals and organizations have stepped in to fill the void. One group, Aging With Dignity, has designed “Five Wishes,” a booklet that is accepted in more than 40 states; in addition to the two legal questions (asking who will speak for you if you can’t, and what you do or don’t want regarding treatment), the form offers other questions that are not legally binding, but which may help open lines of communication.

If you were unconscious, and you loved classical music, would you want acid rock played in your room? Is there someone you absolutely do not want there? Is there something unsaid that you want someone to know? “Five Wishes” offers the opportunity to write down things that state forms don’t cover.

There are groups that facilitate discussions about end-of-life decisions, including those catering specifically to young people, who usually don’t think this is their issue because the end of life seems too far away. Just Google “Advance Directives,” and you’ll be amazed at the wealth of information and support you’ll find, much of it free.

Studies have consistently shown that more than 60 percent of us want our own choices respected, but only about 20-30 percent of us have ever filled out forms. Since forms are not valid if you’re incompetent to make a decision—for example, after a severe brain trauma or advancing dementia—it’s important to have these conversations and get forms completed before you’re facing a crisis. You don’t need an attorney or even a notary: Any two disinterested people (not family members or health-care providers) can witness your signature.

National Healthcare Decisions Day offers the opportunity to focus on doing something you should do anyway. What are you waiting for?

Anita Rufus is also known as “The Lovable Liberal,” and her radio show airs Sundays from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. on KNews Radio 94.3 FM. Email her at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

Published in Know Your Neighbors

It’s the advice we’re always given by people who seem to have found a way to make their lives about following their passion: “Do what you love, and you’ll never feel like you’re ‘working.’”

Unfortunately, most of us don’t have that luxury: We have mortgages, children to raise, car payments, spouses with physical challenges, fear of failure, and so on.

Every once in a while, we hear about someone who gave up the grind and, for example, moved to the hinterlands to play the guitar in small clubs, or creates blown-glass figures in his or her garage-turned-studio, or sold everything and plowed it all into starting a gourmet cake company about which he or she has always dreamed. Sometimes, those stories have successful, happy endings; sadly, most do not.

Thus, when I hear about neighbors who actually found a way to “do what you love,” I’m interested in how they got there.

John Wisor, 64, is a Palm Springs resident. He has a background as a health-care executive and management consultant. We’ve worked together from time to time in various nonprofit organizations, and I always noticed that when he shared his writing with me, his eyes would light up. John began by doing free-verse poems and tributes for friends on special occasions—weddings, anniversaries, deaths. He would print them on parchment and give them as special gifts. His work was gentle, hopeful, idealistic, warm and loving.

Then John wrote My Husband Is The Same as Yours, a tribute to the foibles of coupledom, straight and gay. He married Edward two years ago after 15 years together, and John’s comparison of relationships was his attempt to enable opponents of gay marriage to recognize the similarities rather than focusing on the differences. It’s also very funny; John’s sense of humor is infectious.

As writing increasingly became an outlet for John, he began developing tales and fables of the adventures of Iam, a small black squirrel who travels The Dream Realm, visiting places like the Land of Dreams Come True and the River of Wisdom—as told by the wise old Grandpa Grey. The stories were inspired by the joy he used to experience when reading to his former stepchildren.

“I don’t think there have been new compilations of stories that grandparents can gift and read with their grandchildren since maybe Grimm or Hans Christian Andersen,” he says—with that light in his eyes.

Enter Nila Hagood, 64, of Palm Desert. She’s the CEO of WillaB Productions, her videography and DVD production company. She’s been married to Jerry for 38 years, and her background included real estate management and insurance, plus writing newspaper columns and working with community nonprofits. However, her dream was to pursue art when she retired. “I was finally able to do everything I needed to do to survive: sculpting, crafts, needlework, painting and now videography,” she said.

Nila and John Wisor met while he was director of the Cathedral City Center (formerly the city’s senior center), and she was delivering food for those in need.

“The first thing he gave me was a compliment,” she says, “which always works!”

As they became friends, John shared his stories with Nila. “I wanted to help,” she says. “I asked John if he would mind if I took the stories and added to them. He had the ideas, and I could do illustrations.”

John was very open to Nila’s help. “She got my stories to another level,” he says. “Previously, I had always written for myself and for friends. But this is a way for a story to reinforce what kids should be learning, (lessons) that seem to be missing today, the values we grew up with. Nila wove the stories into a cohesive narrative.”

Says Nila: “What John has done is magic. The stories are unique and beautiful. Most fairy tales involve scary characters, witches and soldiers and violence, with children at risk. These stories are imaginative and intelligent, with a moral in each story about right and wrong, overcoming fear, using one’s imagination to solve problems, and how to live life and follow one’s dreams. Plus, children often don’t have exposure to how we’re all interrelated, and these stories provide that.”

Nila is a self-described “Internet hound,” and she researched the many ways to get published. As more and more individuals are now doing, they turned to a self-funding site, Kickstarter, to try to raise enough money to get the book into print. They raised more than their $3,000 goal, using a video Nila produced.

The soft-cover version of the book is now available on Amazon, and they expect it to be in hardcover this spring. Their marketing plan includes exhibiting at literary fairs and promotion via social networks, like Facebook, as well as through their website.

“I hope these tales and fables can teach us all the magic and wonder found in each other, and how we can learn from living life in this world we all share together,” John says. “Grandparents often only have moments with their grandchildren, and I want to help them make the most of it.”

I remember the books of my childhood; even as an avid reader throughout my life, I am forever tied to Stuart Little. I can still see the picture in my mind’s eye of that little mouse setting off to find his true love. His sense of optimism and hope infused my imagination and actually sustained me through some dismal times.

What’s your favorite book from childhood? For Nila, it’s Bambi. For John, it’s Little House on the Prairie. What do you want it to be for your grandkids? John Wisor and Nila Hagood hope it will be Grandpa Grey’s Timeless Tales and Fabulous Fables. For both of them, it’s been a labor of love.

Anita Rufus is also known as “The Lovable Liberal,” and her radio show airs Sundays from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. on KNews Radio 94.3 FM. Email her at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

Published in Know Your Neighbors