CVIndependent

Sun09152019

Last updateTue, 18 Sep 2018 1pm

Savage Love

11 Sep 2019
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My roommate is a gay man who is into getting fisted. A lot. We were FWBs until he moved into my place, at which point we agreed it would be better for us to not have sex anymore. It’s worked out fine, and he’s been here for a year. Here’s the problem: About two years ago, he got into fisting, and he has someone over every night to fist him. As soon as he comes home from work, he spends a good hour in the bathroom cleaning out, and then some guy comes over to fist him. Every single day. My roommate is a very attractive guy who doesn’t think he’s attractive at all. I’ve talked to him a few times about whether he’s being sexually compulsive, but he just laughs and says, “Well, you suck a lot of dick.” (I have a healthy but moderate sex life.) I am…
04 Sep 2019
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I don’t listen to your podcast religiously, but as soon as I told my best friend this story, she said, “That’s a question for Dan Savage!” Backstory: I have a monogamous partner I live with. It’s a heterosexual relationship, but we are both bisexual. That little inkling of homosexuality really drew me to him when we first met. He also told me early on about his previous girlfriend, who looked like a “suicide girl” (tattoos, short skirts, dyed black hair, heavy eye makeup) but had serious issues. (They had sex only 10 times in three years.) I’m by no means a suicide girl. I’m pretty average-looking with natural hair and no tattoos. I don’t wear makeup, and I have an affinity for baggy T-shirts and jeans. I love having sex, but rarely do I present myself as “sexy.” Recently, I learned that my boyfriend follows hundreds of women on Instagram,…
28 Aug 2019
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I’m a straight woman and have been sexually active for about six years. I’m in my mid-20s now, and I’m about ready to become a “man-hating feminist.” I feel like I can figure out what a guy wants in bed pretty easily. I cannot remember a single time when I’ve had sex with a guy that he has not had an orgasm. I, on the other hand, have never had an orgasm. Quite the opposite! I’ve barely even been aroused lately when I am having sex, because it’s easy to tell when the guy I’m with just wants to come, and that is the only thing on his mind. This makes me want to just get it over with. I’ve become really angry with the male population and their lack of care for pleasing a woman. Will it take a Women’s Pleasure Revolution for men to realize that their female…
21 Aug 2019
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I took Molly with my best bud. We wound up cuddling and telling each other everything. We didn’t mess around—we’re both straight guys—but one of the things I told him is that I would much rather eat pussy than fuck, and one of the things he told me is that he’s not at all into eating pussy and pretty much only likes to fuck. I think we’d make a great team: We’re both good-looking, athletic dudes, and we should find a woman who loves to have her pussy eaten and loves to get fucked. I would go down on her and get her going (and coming), then he steps in and dicks her down (and gets her off one last time). What say you? Ultimate Package Deal I would say, “FUCK YES!” if I were a woman, UPD, which I’m not. And while I can’t promise you every woman will…
14 Aug 2019
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I’m an otherwise healthy male of 54. When I was a teen, my cock measured about 6 1/2 inches—not small, not huge, pretty average. I never kept track of the situation down south, but suddenly, I find my junk reports in just more than 4 inches. WTF? Is this normal? Do men lose size/girth as they age? I’m only 54! How much more do I have to lose before 60? And beyond? I’m single now, and suddenly I’m afraid to be intimate with women I formerly would have embraced without a second thought, out of embarrassment. My confidence is at an all-time low. I’m actually afraid to ask anyone out for fear of “exposing” the evidence. I assume there are no pills for this, but please tell me there are options. Shrinking in Seattle “We have to make a distinction between observed penile length and actual penile length,” said Dr.…
07 Aug 2019
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I’m a 42-year-old single, straight female who recently started dating a 36-year-old man in a somewhat exclusive, long-distance relationship. We have known each other for a short time, but have clocked hours upon hours on the phone. I have specifically stated many times I don’t want kids of my own (he does), am extremely safety conscious (only when I see someone’s STI results and know we’re 100 percent monogamous will I go “bareback”), and am against hormonal contraception. Therefore, I’ve insisted on the use of condoms since our very first encounter, which he at first reluctantly agreed to, but has since obliged without incident. He is expressively into me and treats me better than any guy I’ve dated; he cooks for me, gives me massages, buys me gifts, showers me with compliments, listens to me at any hour of the night, and has shown nothing but respect toward me since…
31 Jul 2019
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I’m a woman who married young (21), and I’ve been with my husband for seven years. Within the last year, I’ve realized that my falling libido probably comes from the fact that I am not turned-on by our boring vanilla sex routine. I get so little fulfillment that I’d rather not even do it. I’ve tried talking to him, but he says he prefers sex without foreplay or a lot of “complicated stuff.” I had some great casual sex before we met, but it turns out I’m into BDSM, which I found out when I recently had a short affair. I’ve kept the secret and guilt to myself, but I have told my husband I’m into BDSM. He wants to make me happy, but I can tell he isn’t turned on doing these things. He denies it, because he’s just happy to have sex at all—but a butt plug and…
24 Jul 2019
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I’m a 36-year-old straight guy, happily married for more than 10 years, and a longtime reader. My wife and I are monogamous. We’re good communicators, well matched in terms of libido, and slightly kinky (light bondage, Dom/sub play in the bedroom). For the last few months, I’ve been thinking about trying prostate play, and I have a couple of questions. A lot of bloggers and other writers in the sex-advice complex tout the health benefits of regular prostate massage, but I haven’t found any academic research to back up some of the lofty claims that are being made. Does prostate massage reduce the risk of prostate cancer and prostatitis? Now the relationship question: I’ve brought partnered prostate play up with my wife, and it’s a hard pass for her. Hygiene is an issue, but that’s easy to take care of (shower, enema, gloves, towels on the bed, etc.). The other…
17 Jul 2019
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I am a bi, white, married man—35 years old and living in a big Midwestern city. I’d like to know what’s going on in my psyche—from a sex-research perspective. I’ve been hung up on cuckold fantasies with my female partner for years now. I’m a creative person, and I’m especially fond of creative fantasizing in bed, and my partner enjoys this as well. But nine times out of 10, I’m spinning a yarn about her fucking other men, whether it’s a threesome, cuckolding with me watching, or her going out on dates and coming home a delicious mess. These fantasies took an unexpected turn when I asked her to share stories about people she fucked in the past. She obliged—and holy shit, was I turned on. The only unfortunate thing is that she did not have many great sexual experiences in the past, so she feels like there is not…
10 Jul 2019
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My fiancé and I have been in a relationship for 11 years. His best friend is one of his exes, and that has always bothered me. What do I do? Needing Guidance After Getting Engaged You could make up your mind to get over it, NGAGE. Or you could threaten to break off the engagement unless your fiancé cuts his best friend out of his life. That would be an asshole move—an emotionally manipulative asshole power move. But, hey, you wouldn’t be the first person to wait for the moment of maximum leverage before telling your partner that, despite what you led them to believe (or allowed them to assume), they are going to have to choose between their best friend(s) and the person they’re about to marry or just married. Fair warning: If you issue that ultimatum, and your fiancé (or husband) writes in and asks me what to…

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