Last updateWed, 27 Sep 2017 1pm

Savage Love

10 Jan 2018
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I’m a 67-year-old gay man. After a breakup 15 years ago, I believed the possibility of emotional and sexual intimacy with a partner was over for me. Then a couple of months ago, my desire for sexual contact increased dramatically. For the first time, I began using apps, and I felt like the proverbial kid in a candy store. It seemed strangely similar to when I first came out in San Francisco’s Castro neighborhood in the early 1970s. Also, I was surprised—not unpleasantly—by the whole Daddy phenomenon, never imagining that this old face and body would interest younger men. You can probably guess what happened next: I was contacted by a 22-year-old man who revealed himself to be mature, intelligent, sweet and, fatally, the physical type that arouses me most. I fell hard, and he seems to like me, too. Am I a creep? A fool? Is my judgment impaired?…
03 Jan 2018
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I married my high-school sweetheart at 17; we had a baby and were together a few years; mental illness and subsequent infidelity led to things ending. My ex-husband remarried, divorced again, and is now in another LTR. I’m in an LTR for a decade with my current partner (CP); we have a few kids, and I’m so in love with him that it terrifies me. My ex frequently makes sexual remarks to me—low-key flirts. I feel an animal attraction in the moment. Whatever. I don’t want to be with him; my relationship with CP is solid AF, and I get amazing fucking at home from a man far more skilled. CP knows about ex-husband’s remarks and one actual physical advance. CP has offered to talk to my ex. I told him nah, I’ll deal with it and make it stop. I talked to my ex-husband today, and he said: “I’m…
27 Dec 2017
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I have been with my unicorn boyfriend for four months. The sexual chemistry between us is out of this world! I’m a woman who’s very open-minded when it comes to trying new things: I’ve had threesomes and foursomes, and have tried every toy on the market; I’ve done anal sex, BDSM and many other things. He is sexually experienced, but he’s not open-minded. One thing he won’t do is kiss me after I’ve swallowed his load. We’ve been together only four months, so maybe I just need to wait and hope that he’ll come around. Or is there something I can do to get him to try it? Can’t Unicorn Man Up? If that’s the only thing he won’t do—if every toy on the market is on the table, along with threesomes, foursomes, BDSM, etc.—then he’s pretty adventurous. But if kissing after you’ve swallowed is the only mildly kinky thing…
20 Dec 2017
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I am a 22-year-old Italian man—100 percent straight, sensitive and sporty. I have been reading Savage Love for years in Internazionale. I have one question for you: Why do I always fall in love with lesbians? Why do I instantly fall in love with girls who have that something more in their eyes? Something melancholy and perhaps insecure? Girls whom I’d rather protect and embrace than take to bed? The last three girls who fit this description all turned out to be lesbians. The last girl with whom this happened told me it was my “Red Cross” mindset that made me fall in love with girls who are insecure/sad/melancholy, so I have a sort of selection bias that excludes most straight girls I meet. I do not believe this, because the world is full of straight girls who need saving. So why then, Dan? WHY? I have a girlfriend. I…
13 Dec 2017
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I’m a 36-year-old straight woman with autism, and I am often misidentified as lesbian, because my social signaling must read as masculine. I am not bothered by this. However, it is annoying when someone who should know better thinks I would hide it if I were LGBTQ. I’m very direct and honest—sometimes to my detriment—and the idea that I would hide something so fundamental about myself is abhorrent to me. I don’t consider myself disabled; I am different than most people but not broken. But as a person with a diagnosed “disability” that includes an inability to accurately read and display social cues, I know that a person’s perception of your sexual orientation is definitely affected by social signaling. I enjoy your podcast and I feel like I am educating myself about how neurotypical people think. But I wish there was as good a source of advice for people with…
06 Dec 2017
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Editor’s note: Before we get on with the column here, two things: 1. I’d like to welcome Dan Savage and his well-known and much-loved column, Savage Love, to the pages of Welcome, Dan! 2. Readers: For those of you unfamiliar with Savage Love … consider this a warning. This is a sex- and relationship-advice column. It’s a popular column, one that’s been in papers across the continent for more than 25 years now. However … this column is not tame. It is NSFW—not safe for work—and, at times, it is rather graphic. So … if you are offended by sexually graphic content, do not read this. Really. Don’t. I’m not kidding. Also, Dan is quite the social liberal, so if you don’t like liberal politics, you may want to read something else instead. But if you can handle graphic sexual content and liberal politics, then by all means, read…

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